So, I wanted to continue this little dissection of my favorite show and why I love it, and I wanted to get to it earlier, but I've been working so much that it felt like I woke up, got ready, left, then came home and fell asleep. I'm still working but the hours have shifted for the next few days.
So, House as a show breaks all kinds of rules, and I love that. It's different. It turns things on their heads. The main character is not the good guy. The good guy if there is one, is Wilson. House on the other hand is a pill-popping Vicodin addict who says the most un-PC things imaginable, who regularly jokes about internet porn (it doesn't download itself!), says the rudest things to his boss (my favorite being, "Good morning Dr. Cuddy. LOVE that outfit. It says, 'I'm professional but I'm still a woman.' Actually it sort of yells that last part," which really is among the tamer examples I could have chosen), he is crass, and there are tons of crazy sex references. It's like the anti-appropriate show, not at all for the feint of heart or the easily offended, what with a patient who uses strawberry jam as birth control jelly, another who tries to circumsize himself, House being found with over 600 vicodin pills, and the general irreverence towards any code of ethics.
House as a character also breaks all the rules (and sometimes the equipment) in his search for answers to the medical mysteries. He lies to patients, disobeys his boss, steals his ex's therapy notes, and does whatever most outrageous thing to get to his diagnosis. There's an episode where he thinks a girl has a tick causing her symptoms, and she's near dying, no one else thinks he's right, they tell him to stop the tick search, and the girl has to get rushed to the ICU. House somehow manuevers his way onto the elevator with the patient, presses the emergency stop button and searches for the tick as her vitals drop. I love it because the pressure is so on, everyone's against him, he couldn't be in more danger of getting in huge trouble, and he does it anyway, because he knows it's right.
There are zillions of examples like that. He breaks into Cuddy's office and computer, skips out on clinic hours, harasses Foreman, treats patients before tests confirm the diagnosis, publicly fucking up a speech he was strong-armed into giving by the new evil billionaire board director (and in doing so, telling the truth about pharmaceutical markups) and much, much more. Sometimes, it's almost painful to watch, and yet at the same time, so satisfying, to see someone so blatantly disregard social constraints, orders and expectations, and seemingly fearlessly.
I like it all because it feels like a gust of fresh air, something so different from anything goody-goody, and it addresses the fact that most people are lying, hiding, keeping secrets, which of course he usually figures out. I love that the show goes against anything that you'd expect, and destroys any sort of social expectations, and presents a character and a show that represent a lot that most people might judge, but presents it and him in a more sympathetic light. I love rooting for the anti-hero hero. And I love the general attitude of irreverence, the way House will do what's right instead of what everyone else wants him to, the way he is never afraid of getting in trouble, even when he should be.
I want a little of that for myself.
Currently Listening:
"Rootless Tree" - Damien Rice
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I'm PUBLISHED! In The Sun!
HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF GOD!
I'm so excited I can hardly type!
So, over this summer, I told myself I was going to send out a submission a week, and that plan lasted for, well, a week. The one thing I sent out was a submission to The Sun's Readers Write section. There are topics listed in each issue, and I just picked the one with the closest deadline, which was "Parties" and did some freewriting, typed it, printed it and put it in the mail.
Just after returning from my trip, I got some certified mail from The Sun, saying my piece might be included, but they couldn't be sure, as things do get cut or rearranged closer to publication, so I didn't want to say anything in case it never happened.
And today, it did! I checked my mail and the moment I saw a thick envelope in there, I knew exactly what it was. I got a few complimentary copies and will be getting a six-month subscription to the magazine!
The funny thing is, I'm kind of embarrassed about what I wrote. I mean, it was only six months ago, but I think, if given the topic today, I'd write something different. Funny how things can change so fast.
It's funny, years ago I went to The Sun's writing weekend, which was unbelievably awesome, and I still remember this conversation I had with this woman in the hot tubs. I was sort of fascinated by her - she had spent 25 years in jail for something she didn't do - and we were in the hot tubs around dusk, and the hot tubs were clothing optional so we were naked and I don't think there was anyone else there, and we hadn't really spoken before, and somehow we got in a conversation and she told me I should submit things to the Readers Write section. I told her I would and we ended up having a pretty lengthy discussion about it. Then as the retreat ended and people were leaving, she said to me, "I better see you in Readers Write by the next retreat."
Well, I never made it to the next two retreats, and it took me two years to even send something in, but when I did, I made it! My name is IN PRINT now!
I think today must be a literarily charmed day for me. A year ago today I got my second Rolling Stone piece named as a finalist.
I feel like dancing around my apartment!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT x100 - I just actually opened the magazine and the feature interview is by Derrick Jensen, who I just mentioned a few posts ago. HOLY FUCKING SHIT I am in the same magazine as one of my heroes. I think this is the happiest day of my life. I just walked into my bedroom and fell on my bed in pure stupefication. I think I will go die now, since I'm already in literary heaven.
Currently Listening:
"Lonelily" - Damien Rice - Another favorite of his demos. It's a pretty sad song, but also glorious to sing along to at the top of lungs.
I'm so excited I can hardly type!
So, over this summer, I told myself I was going to send out a submission a week, and that plan lasted for, well, a week. The one thing I sent out was a submission to The Sun's Readers Write section. There are topics listed in each issue, and I just picked the one with the closest deadline, which was "Parties" and did some freewriting, typed it, printed it and put it in the mail.
Just after returning from my trip, I got some certified mail from The Sun, saying my piece might be included, but they couldn't be sure, as things do get cut or rearranged closer to publication, so I didn't want to say anything in case it never happened.
And today, it did! I checked my mail and the moment I saw a thick envelope in there, I knew exactly what it was. I got a few complimentary copies and will be getting a six-month subscription to the magazine!
The funny thing is, I'm kind of embarrassed about what I wrote. I mean, it was only six months ago, but I think, if given the topic today, I'd write something different. Funny how things can change so fast.
It's funny, years ago I went to The Sun's writing weekend, which was unbelievably awesome, and I still remember this conversation I had with this woman in the hot tubs. I was sort of fascinated by her - she had spent 25 years in jail for something she didn't do - and we were in the hot tubs around dusk, and the hot tubs were clothing optional so we were naked and I don't think there was anyone else there, and we hadn't really spoken before, and somehow we got in a conversation and she told me I should submit things to the Readers Write section. I told her I would and we ended up having a pretty lengthy discussion about it. Then as the retreat ended and people were leaving, she said to me, "I better see you in Readers Write by the next retreat."
Well, I never made it to the next two retreats, and it took me two years to even send something in, but when I did, I made it! My name is IN PRINT now!
I think today must be a literarily charmed day for me. A year ago today I got my second Rolling Stone piece named as a finalist.
I feel like dancing around my apartment!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT x100 - I just actually opened the magazine and the feature interview is by Derrick Jensen, who I just mentioned a few posts ago. HOLY FUCKING SHIT I am in the same magazine as one of my heroes. I think this is the happiest day of my life. I just walked into my bedroom and fell on my bed in pure stupefication. I think I will go die now, since I'm already in literary heaven.
Currently Listening:
"Lonelily" - Damien Rice - Another favorite of his demos. It's a pretty sad song, but also glorious to sing along to at the top of lungs.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The Parable of the Comforter
So, I got a gift certificate to Kohl's for Christmas, and I knew immediately that I would put it towards a new comforter. The one I have now is a twin, and I have a double bed, so it's not all that warm, and it's lumpy and worn.
I went looking around at Kohl's online, and quickly came across one I loved - a deep red with pink and green flowers. It was a little bold for me, I was used to more timid colors, softer pinks and greens mostly, and this bold red one just grabbed my eye immediately. The sale was incredible, about a third the list price, but I waited, a little afraid it was too bold, and the sale passed.
Finally I decided I had to go into the store to look at it in person. It turned out that a co-worker of mine and her husband were going off-island so I went with them. They dropped me off at Kohl's and said they'd pick me up in two hours. Well, it took me almost that long to make my decision. I found my luxurious comforter quickly, as well as a green one, kind of a darkish pale green with exquisite flower detail.
And I just couldn't decide. The green one was more what I was used to. It also was thinner. Still it felt more comfortable, safer, more what would naturally fit in my room.
The red one was cool, warm, thick, gorgeous-looking in its texture. It had its drawbacks, though. The green and pink flowers were more muted than they were in the picture online, the pink especially, which was so rich and lovely, was more like a gold. And the bedskirt was a golden color, and I'm not that into gold. The sheets that came with it felt really nice, but they were white, and I can't stand white. God I sound so picky, it's just this artistic color thing, I want my bedroom to look inviting to me, and white looks so sterile and so absent and so blinding in its nothingness.
I kept going back and forth. The red one still held my heart's desire despite some of the in-person surprises. The red was so gorgeous, so artistically pleasing in its detail, and if the flowers were just pinker, it'd be so perfect. It had gorgeous detail around the edges. The green comforter was a little tame in comparison, but had less flaws. I could match it with more different sheets.
I went with the green one. I took it home. And I couldn't like it. I tried, but I just couldn't. It was kind of a darker pale green than anything else in my bedroom, and contrasted with those other things, it looked kinda pukey-colored. I waited until the morning, looked at in daylight, and tried again to like it, but couldn't. A day or two later, I took it off my bed, put my old twin one back on, and felt immeasurably better. I decided that the green one was going back, that it was too much to spend on something I didn't absolutely love, gift card or no. I wanted something quality I could keep for a few decades to come. I wanted the freakin' red one.
Yesterday, I went off-island by myself, made my way around Mt. Vernon and Burlington by walking (a story for another blog). They had one red one left, and it was the wrong size. I returned the original green one, deciding to order the red one on the internet with the return money.
And tonight, wouldn't ya know? The red one was on sale, the lowest I've seen it since the day after Christmas. Yesterday, it was more than a hundred dollars more. It was also clear from the available sizes left, that supplies were dwindling (and at the store they'd told me the pattern was getting discontinued). I pounced on it and ordered it at a great price. It should be here in a week or two.
The moral of the story though, is when you're faced with a head vs. heart decision, even if it's just about something as trivial as a comforter, listen to the heart, even if what your heart wants has more flaws. Logic has all its reasons, its rationality, and a lot of times, is very wise, but if you go only with that one, you could end up looking at something that looks pukey-colored for the next thirty years. wondering the what ifs of the other choice. Never settle. It's not worth it. Go for what that heart really wants. Go after what you really love. Bold is beautiful.
I hope I still feel that way when it actually arrives!
Currently Listening:
"Use Me" - Fiona Apple - It's a cover of Bill Withers, and I feel like there's something wrong with the fact that I LOOOOOOOOOOVE this song, the lyrics are kinda demeaning, "I wanna spread the news/That if it feels this good gettin' used/You keep on usin' me/Until you use me up," it's like glorifying something horrible, but man the way Fiona Apple sings it makes the song sound so lustrous and sexy and glorious. I love it.
I went looking around at Kohl's online, and quickly came across one I loved - a deep red with pink and green flowers. It was a little bold for me, I was used to more timid colors, softer pinks and greens mostly, and this bold red one just grabbed my eye immediately. The sale was incredible, about a third the list price, but I waited, a little afraid it was too bold, and the sale passed.
Finally I decided I had to go into the store to look at it in person. It turned out that a co-worker of mine and her husband were going off-island so I went with them. They dropped me off at Kohl's and said they'd pick me up in two hours. Well, it took me almost that long to make my decision. I found my luxurious comforter quickly, as well as a green one, kind of a darkish pale green with exquisite flower detail.
And I just couldn't decide. The green one was more what I was used to. It also was thinner. Still it felt more comfortable, safer, more what would naturally fit in my room.
The red one was cool, warm, thick, gorgeous-looking in its texture. It had its drawbacks, though. The green and pink flowers were more muted than they were in the picture online, the pink especially, which was so rich and lovely, was more like a gold. And the bedskirt was a golden color, and I'm not that into gold. The sheets that came with it felt really nice, but they were white, and I can't stand white. God I sound so picky, it's just this artistic color thing, I want my bedroom to look inviting to me, and white looks so sterile and so absent and so blinding in its nothingness.
I kept going back and forth. The red one still held my heart's desire despite some of the in-person surprises. The red was so gorgeous, so artistically pleasing in its detail, and if the flowers were just pinker, it'd be so perfect. It had gorgeous detail around the edges. The green comforter was a little tame in comparison, but had less flaws. I could match it with more different sheets.
I went with the green one. I took it home. And I couldn't like it. I tried, but I just couldn't. It was kind of a darker pale green than anything else in my bedroom, and contrasted with those other things, it looked kinda pukey-colored. I waited until the morning, looked at in daylight, and tried again to like it, but couldn't. A day or two later, I took it off my bed, put my old twin one back on, and felt immeasurably better. I decided that the green one was going back, that it was too much to spend on something I didn't absolutely love, gift card or no. I wanted something quality I could keep for a few decades to come. I wanted the freakin' red one.
Yesterday, I went off-island by myself, made my way around Mt. Vernon and Burlington by walking (a story for another blog). They had one red one left, and it was the wrong size. I returned the original green one, deciding to order the red one on the internet with the return money.
And tonight, wouldn't ya know? The red one was on sale, the lowest I've seen it since the day after Christmas. Yesterday, it was more than a hundred dollars more. It was also clear from the available sizes left, that supplies were dwindling (and at the store they'd told me the pattern was getting discontinued). I pounced on it and ordered it at a great price. It should be here in a week or two.
The moral of the story though, is when you're faced with a head vs. heart decision, even if it's just about something as trivial as a comforter, listen to the heart, even if what your heart wants has more flaws. Logic has all its reasons, its rationality, and a lot of times, is very wise, but if you go only with that one, you could end up looking at something that looks pukey-colored for the next thirty years. wondering the what ifs of the other choice. Never settle. It's not worth it. Go for what that heart really wants. Go after what you really love. Bold is beautiful.
I hope I still feel that way when it actually arrives!
Currently Listening:
"Use Me" - Fiona Apple - It's a cover of Bill Withers, and I feel like there's something wrong with the fact that I LOOOOOOOOOOVE this song, the lyrics are kinda demeaning, "I wanna spread the news/That if it feels this good gettin' used/You keep on usin' me/Until you use me up," it's like glorifying something horrible, but man the way Fiona Apple sings it makes the song sound so lustrous and sexy and glorious. I love it.
What would A Year in Review be without one of those surveys?
I ganked this one from Tara. I also semi-co-opted a few of her answers.
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Sang onstage in front of a whole bunch of people (Orcas Idol tryouts - this year's are coming up on Saturday), went to a writer's conference, took a trip to the east coast that didn't involve seeing family, took care of a dog by myself for seven months, put a dog on a plane, did karaoke by myself, went to the hot springs at Doe Bay (which are clothing optional, and I opted for clothing, then left my bathing suit in the bathroom there after I changed back into my clothes), got full-length critiques of my book, worked at camp while living at home, saw my name in print...online, got certified mail from a magazine where something I wrote may possibly show up, read poetry at an open mic that wasn't local, read part of my memoir in NYC, completely revamped my manuscript (including changing my title), kidnapped a stuffed gorilla, got professionally fitted for bras, shopped at Victoria's Secret, received a DVD with soft-core porn on it as a present (a playgirl DVD) and other unmentionables.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I honestly don't remember if I made any, New Year's last year was a pretty dark and desperate time, I was probably too stressed and depressed to even consider it. Yes I will make some this year, and the first will be to sit down and make resolutions. As you can see, I'm a bit behind.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? The East Coast.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A healthy, loving, passionate romantic relationship with great sex. Better credit. College acceptance letters, scholarships, an incredibly awesome financial aid package. Financial success for my writing (in 2007, I had some successes and none of them included that). A fling with Maynard from Tool (kidding). Or Hugh Laurie or Jesse Spencer from House, in character (again, kidding). A literary agent, one who the best interests of me and my book at heart, shares my artistic vision, and gets me the best first-time author book deal ever. A girl can dream, can't she?
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Nov 6 - 28 - my trip.
Nov 24 - the reading in NYC.
Sept 30 - the target date for my revised manuscript.
April 11 - Mr. O left, I was very sad.
July 26-29 - PNWA writer's conference.
April 19 - my apartment inspection.
March 15 - the day I started working at Camp again.
and there are others I would mention, but since they don't just pertain to me alone, I'll keep my mouth shut. Of course though, those are the most poignant and emotionally charged and I'll just say dates - June 30-July 3, Jan 14, Feb 14, Dec 27, Sept 26 (dentist's appointment that morning was simply unforgettable, kidding), April 17 (Maynard's birthday, people).
June 3 - probably the single happiest day with the dog, we went to the staff appreciation barbecue at the camp. She ran around for something like eight hours straight, I went on a Giant Swing, and later went skinny-dipping, but no one knows about that.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I'd say the myriad of little writing successes.
9. What was your biggest failure? The way I handled (or didn't) my relationship (or lack of one) with Mr. O - I will NEVER put myself through that much extended, soul-wrenching unhappiness again, compounded by my failure to do anything about it whatsoever and my steadfast dedication to suffer quietly, having mini-explosions over mini-things instead of dealing with how I was really feeling. I'm hoping that the fact of recognizing and trying to change these patterns in some way makes it not a complete failure, but I don't know. I definitely had a failure of courage, a failure of communication, a failure of standing up for myself, a failure of authenticity. I also had times of knowing I was failing myself, times when I walked around with images and poems in my head of feeling like a frog in boiling water, times I felt I was losing my self, and I continued to let it happen. That is the biggest failure.
Derrick Jensen, my longtime author crush, who I would have included in the list of wishful (kidding) flings in '08 if his MySpace page didn't say he's "in a relationship," says, "Hope binds us to unlivable situations." I've seen it to be true in the past, and I wish I'd remembered that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes. I was rearranging my room and my box spring fell on me, slammed into my lower back. That was extremely painful, and every now and then, it still hurts, though sadly it's not one of those injuries I could use to predict the next rain or a coming cold.
I also had a mysterious rash for the whole month of September that covered my entire torso and itched like you wouldn't believe. It made me want to writhe in the burning itchiness and scream, "I need Dr. House!" to solve the mystery of course, but instead I tried lotions, oatmeal baths, and walking around without underwear (b/c any clothing/pressure would only make the itching and burning a thousand times worse).
After a friend and I went through some internet self-diagnosing thingy, counting out scabies, rocky mountain spotted fever, ringworm, syphilis, lupus (it's never lupus) and a million other weird things, we narrowed it down to one, and my doctor (much nicer than House, might I add), eventually also diagnosed it as pityriasis rosea. She recommended an all-natural chamomile lotion to deal with the itch, which worked to some degree, and the rash eventually went away.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Cool new clothes that fit me, that I love. If I had to pick one thing, hmmm, I can't.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? All my friends. A lot of them are making huge moves. One bought a house with her husband and painted her living room a gorgeous red. Another is contemplating moving within her town, to have her own place unattached to her past. Another friend is maybe thinking of moving/changing jobs. Another is definitely doing both with her husband. Another friend is switching schools. Another is taking trips to the place she wants to live and making more time for her art. Another is reworking her manuscript. Another got a book deal and is currently writing her book. Another is starting a workshop that she's dreamed of forever. Others are moving forward with their creative projects and dreams. Anyone who's following their passions deserves celebration.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My family. Chris Cornell. Men I used to love. A woman I almost worked for. Oh and GWB and everyone in his cabinet, but that goes without saying. Judging by the debates in New Hampshire, there will be even more political people in this category for '08.
14. Where did most of your money go? I don't even want to think about this one, b/c it's quite the sore spot, pffft. On the other hand, I spent $ on rent, monthly bills, paying off old shit, my trip and clothes, probably in that order.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going back to school.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Anything from Fiona Apple's "Extraordinary Machine," I listened to it almost exclusively most of the summer, with the most played song being "Tymps (the Sick in the Head Song)."
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? No idea.
c) richer or poorer? Richer.
18. What do you with you'd done more of? Writing. Smiling. Reading. Being more authentic and saying what I feel.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Being a pushover. Going on AIM instead of writing. Gossiping. Putting up with shit. Being scared.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? (Or did.) Read all about that here.
21. What was your favorite TV program? Of what's on now - HOUSE!
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't think I hated anyone either time.
23. What was the best book you read? Paint it Black by Janet Fitch, The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Fiona's Tidal and Extraordinary Machine (already had When the Pawn...)
25. What did you want and get? A better social life. Some writing glory. Fun. A much better financial situation. Inner strength.
26. What did you want and not get? Asked out.
27. What was your favorite film of this year? I'm honestly not sure I saw anything that came out in 2007. Do House DVDs count? I'm trying to think what my favorite movie I saw in 07 was, Reno 911 Miami was pretty hilarious. I watched The Girl in the Cafe again, and I love that one. Oh, CARRIE. I loved that.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 26, it was the superbowl. Some people came over and one of them threw cheez-its at the dog. It was insaaaanely exciting.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Romance, love, sex, or anything remotely resembling any of the above.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Out with the old, in with the good and sexy. I also ascribed to the "try on/buy/wear what you're most instinctually, irresistably attracted to" philosophy.
31. What kept you sane? Heroin, lots of heroin. NO, I'm kidding, duh.
What really saved my sanity this past year was my fundamentalist devotion to Jesus and God and Pat Robertson. And, in said devotion, jumping on the righteous hatred bandwagon and the "only good atheist is a dead one" campaign. Oh and the "the original Bible was written in English so that's the only one that counts," brigade. NO, kidding again. Can't help myself. If you're wondering what the fuck I'm talking about, read this. As you'll see, the examples I chose to mildly cite in this sarcastic answer are among the least offensive and outrageous listed.
FOR REAL now, my answer is numbness, good friends, my job (it's hard to think about anything when you're washing 500 dishes at top speed, except dishes) TV and good old-fashioned denial and distraction when all else failed.
FOR REALER, who says I WAS sane this year? I don't always feel sane, think I spent half this last year tossing and turning when I should have been sleeping, crying, and avoiding things, like writing. I don't even feel sane right now. Look at the things I'm writing for fuck's sake. It's all I can do to hold back sometimes, like I could almost have Tourette's, but for the written word, probably coming from a long history of so much not-saying, so much suppression. So yeah, I don't know.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Hugh Laurie, Jesse Spencer, and of course, I will always have an inner fire burning for Maynard. Oh and Corey McCormick from CC's band, who looks excruciatingly similar to someone I know, and once adored.
33. What political issue stirred you the most? I kind of opted out of politics this past year, which is highly unusual for me. I think there's only so much disaster and horror a brain can take though. I will say, Linda's post that Republicans are across the board happier really yanked my chain and got me all stirred up. It's a good thing she figured out it's just because they smoke more pot.
34. Who did you miss? Everyone.
35. Who was the best new person you met? Sergio, Kali, Linda, Janna, Cindy/Liz, Emily, Tallie, and tons more. And then some.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. I already did.
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"There have been disappointments
These she knows all too well
But you losing you was not a part of this plan."
"So I will keep a deliberate pace, let the damn breeze dry my face."
Fiona
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Sang onstage in front of a whole bunch of people (Orcas Idol tryouts - this year's are coming up on Saturday), went to a writer's conference, took a trip to the east coast that didn't involve seeing family, took care of a dog by myself for seven months, put a dog on a plane, did karaoke by myself, went to the hot springs at Doe Bay (which are clothing optional, and I opted for clothing, then left my bathing suit in the bathroom there after I changed back into my clothes), got full-length critiques of my book, worked at camp while living at home, saw my name in print...online, got certified mail from a magazine where something I wrote may possibly show up, read poetry at an open mic that wasn't local, read part of my memoir in NYC, completely revamped my manuscript (including changing my title), kidnapped a stuffed gorilla, got professionally fitted for bras, shopped at Victoria's Secret, received a DVD with soft-core porn on it as a present (a playgirl DVD) and other unmentionables.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I honestly don't remember if I made any, New Year's last year was a pretty dark and desperate time, I was probably too stressed and depressed to even consider it. Yes I will make some this year, and the first will be to sit down and make resolutions. As you can see, I'm a bit behind.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? The East Coast.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A healthy, loving, passionate romantic relationship with great sex. Better credit. College acceptance letters, scholarships, an incredibly awesome financial aid package. Financial success for my writing (in 2007, I had some successes and none of them included that). A fling with Maynard from Tool (kidding). Or Hugh Laurie or Jesse Spencer from House, in character (again, kidding). A literary agent, one who the best interests of me and my book at heart, shares my artistic vision, and gets me the best first-time author book deal ever. A girl can dream, can't she?
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Nov 6 - 28 - my trip.
Nov 24 - the reading in NYC.
Sept 30 - the target date for my revised manuscript.
April 11 - Mr. O left, I was very sad.
July 26-29 - PNWA writer's conference.
April 19 - my apartment inspection.
March 15 - the day I started working at Camp again.
and there are others I would mention, but since they don't just pertain to me alone, I'll keep my mouth shut. Of course though, those are the most poignant and emotionally charged and I'll just say dates - June 30-July 3, Jan 14, Feb 14, Dec 27, Sept 26 (dentist's appointment that morning was simply unforgettable, kidding), April 17 (Maynard's birthday, people).
June 3 - probably the single happiest day with the dog, we went to the staff appreciation barbecue at the camp. She ran around for something like eight hours straight, I went on a Giant Swing, and later went skinny-dipping, but no one knows about that.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I'd say the myriad of little writing successes.
9. What was your biggest failure? The way I handled (or didn't) my relationship (or lack of one) with Mr. O - I will NEVER put myself through that much extended, soul-wrenching unhappiness again, compounded by my failure to do anything about it whatsoever and my steadfast dedication to suffer quietly, having mini-explosions over mini-things instead of dealing with how I was really feeling. I'm hoping that the fact of recognizing and trying to change these patterns in some way makes it not a complete failure, but I don't know. I definitely had a failure of courage, a failure of communication, a failure of standing up for myself, a failure of authenticity. I also had times of knowing I was failing myself, times when I walked around with images and poems in my head of feeling like a frog in boiling water, times I felt I was losing my self, and I continued to let it happen. That is the biggest failure.
Derrick Jensen, my longtime author crush, who I would have included in the list of wishful (kidding) flings in '08 if his MySpace page didn't say he's "in a relationship," says, "Hope binds us to unlivable situations." I've seen it to be true in the past, and I wish I'd remembered that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes. I was rearranging my room and my box spring fell on me, slammed into my lower back. That was extremely painful, and every now and then, it still hurts, though sadly it's not one of those injuries I could use to predict the next rain or a coming cold.
I also had a mysterious rash for the whole month of September that covered my entire torso and itched like you wouldn't believe. It made me want to writhe in the burning itchiness and scream, "I need Dr. House!" to solve the mystery of course, but instead I tried lotions, oatmeal baths, and walking around without underwear (b/c any clothing/pressure would only make the itching and burning a thousand times worse).
After a friend and I went through some internet self-diagnosing thingy, counting out scabies, rocky mountain spotted fever, ringworm, syphilis, lupus (it's never lupus) and a million other weird things, we narrowed it down to one, and my doctor (much nicer than House, might I add), eventually also diagnosed it as pityriasis rosea. She recommended an all-natural chamomile lotion to deal with the itch, which worked to some degree, and the rash eventually went away.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Cool new clothes that fit me, that I love. If I had to pick one thing, hmmm, I can't.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? All my friends. A lot of them are making huge moves. One bought a house with her husband and painted her living room a gorgeous red. Another is contemplating moving within her town, to have her own place unattached to her past. Another friend is maybe thinking of moving/changing jobs. Another is definitely doing both with her husband. Another friend is switching schools. Another is taking trips to the place she wants to live and making more time for her art. Another is reworking her manuscript. Another got a book deal and is currently writing her book. Another is starting a workshop that she's dreamed of forever. Others are moving forward with their creative projects and dreams. Anyone who's following their passions deserves celebration.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My family. Chris Cornell. Men I used to love. A woman I almost worked for. Oh and GWB and everyone in his cabinet, but that goes without saying. Judging by the debates in New Hampshire, there will be even more political people in this category for '08.
14. Where did most of your money go? I don't even want to think about this one, b/c it's quite the sore spot, pffft. On the other hand, I spent $ on rent, monthly bills, paying off old shit, my trip and clothes, probably in that order.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going back to school.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Anything from Fiona Apple's "Extraordinary Machine," I listened to it almost exclusively most of the summer, with the most played song being "Tymps (the Sick in the Head Song)."
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? No idea.
c) richer or poorer? Richer.
18. What do you with you'd done more of? Writing. Smiling. Reading. Being more authentic and saying what I feel.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Being a pushover. Going on AIM instead of writing. Gossiping. Putting up with shit. Being scared.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? (Or did.) Read all about that here.
21. What was your favorite TV program? Of what's on now - HOUSE!
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't think I hated anyone either time.
23. What was the best book you read? Paint it Black by Janet Fitch, The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Fiona's Tidal and Extraordinary Machine (already had When the Pawn...)
25. What did you want and get? A better social life. Some writing glory. Fun. A much better financial situation. Inner strength.
26. What did you want and not get? Asked out.
27. What was your favorite film of this year? I'm honestly not sure I saw anything that came out in 2007. Do House DVDs count? I'm trying to think what my favorite movie I saw in 07 was, Reno 911 Miami was pretty hilarious. I watched The Girl in the Cafe again, and I love that one. Oh, CARRIE. I loved that.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 26, it was the superbowl. Some people came over and one of them threw cheez-its at the dog. It was insaaaanely exciting.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Romance, love, sex, or anything remotely resembling any of the above.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Out with the old, in with the good and sexy. I also ascribed to the "try on/buy/wear what you're most instinctually, irresistably attracted to" philosophy.
31. What kept you sane? Heroin, lots of heroin. NO, I'm kidding, duh.
What really saved my sanity this past year was my fundamentalist devotion to Jesus and God and Pat Robertson. And, in said devotion, jumping on the righteous hatred bandwagon and the "only good atheist is a dead one" campaign. Oh and the "the original Bible was written in English so that's the only one that counts," brigade. NO, kidding again. Can't help myself. If you're wondering what the fuck I'm talking about, read this. As you'll see, the examples I chose to mildly cite in this sarcastic answer are among the least offensive and outrageous listed.
FOR REAL now, my answer is numbness, good friends, my job (it's hard to think about anything when you're washing 500 dishes at top speed, except dishes) TV and good old-fashioned denial and distraction when all else failed.
FOR REALER, who says I WAS sane this year? I don't always feel sane, think I spent half this last year tossing and turning when I should have been sleeping, crying, and avoiding things, like writing. I don't even feel sane right now. Look at the things I'm writing for fuck's sake. It's all I can do to hold back sometimes, like I could almost have Tourette's, but for the written word, probably coming from a long history of so much not-saying, so much suppression. So yeah, I don't know.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Hugh Laurie, Jesse Spencer, and of course, I will always have an inner fire burning for Maynard. Oh and Corey McCormick from CC's band, who looks excruciatingly similar to someone I know, and once adored.
33. What political issue stirred you the most? I kind of opted out of politics this past year, which is highly unusual for me. I think there's only so much disaster and horror a brain can take though. I will say, Linda's post that Republicans are across the board happier really yanked my chain and got me all stirred up. It's a good thing she figured out it's just because they smoke more pot.
34. Who did you miss? Everyone.
35. Who was the best new person you met? Sergio, Kali, Linda, Janna, Cindy/Liz, Emily, Tallie, and tons more. And then some.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. I already did.
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"There have been disappointments
These she knows all too well
But you losing you was not a part of this plan."
"So I will keep a deliberate pace, let the damn breeze dry my face."
Fiona
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Reflections on '07
Better late than never?
2007 is a year that for me is really hard to classify. In some ways it was incredibly hard. I started the year in pretty bad shape financially and romantically. Then by February, both seemed to get a little better, and then in April I said goodbye to Mr. O, which was really hard, and had a whole slew of financial setbacks. In November I said goodbye to the dog, which was also hard in its own way. I also had some difficulties with family and friends. This year was rife with trouble and turmoil. Numerologically, I was in a 6 personal year, which often is linked with extra responsibilities and burdens, and that was a gross understatement for how the year actually turned out. There were definitely times I felt like so much shit was hitting me at once I couldn't see straight. There was a lot I crawled out from underneath.
Yet, when I look back at it, my feelings about the year are more positive than negative. In some ways, I feel like I really came into my own. I feel stronger than I did at this point last year, that's for sure. I also feel like I sort of blossomed in a way, especially in terms of clothing, if that makes sense. I got rid of a lot of old clothes that had never fit well, that I'd worn for ages because they were there, things I didn't feel comfortable in but wore anyway, clothes people gave me as hand-me-downs or that I'd found at free clothing drives that were five sizes too big, or just totally not me, things that made me feel frumpy and homely. So I did a lot of clearing out, and then during my trip, got some new clothes that I felt supremely attracted to in terms of color and style.
I've always had this thing about looking at clothes with an artist's eye, looking at outfits almost like a painting. It's hard to explain, and it's something I've done all my life, so it's so integral to how I am that it's hard to nail down and describe. I am totally drawn to color, so I'm always looking at how my clothes look together color-wise, and going for an aesthetic satisfaction that may not make sense or even be noticeable to anyone else. And in recent years, in a lot of clothes I felt so blah and so unsatisfied artistically that I almost stopped thinking about it, but that just felt like dulling myself down. That's not to say nothing was good. This move towards my truer artistic compass and better fitting in dressing is something I've made steps toward in the last few years, slowly and surely, and then this year it was like, okay, I'm completely ready to take this on, and also to embrace being sexy. All of that has felt really good.
I've also worked hard to change my financial situation in the last year, and I feel great about that. I have savings, not a ton, but some to build on. I have paid off a lot of bills, not all, but pretty damn close. In fact, most months, I'm ready to go online and pay bills before they're even issued, which feels sooo awesome. I feel on top of things, secure, able to support myself. I also have been able to afford things, like my trip, without dipping into those savings. I don't feel completely poor, and I absolutely did when 2007 started and my account was severely overdrawn. It has taken a lot of hard work, and hopefully this trend will only continue into 2008, especially with college coming up!
I definitely feel like it's been a year for seeing my won strengths, my own ability ot take care of myself financially, emotionally and beyond, and it's been great. It hasn't been without the support of friends and others. I see a therapist, I get regular bodywork from my friend who gives the best massages ever. I have some of the best friends in the world. And I'm also learning how to do it for myself. I'm working on changing relationships that haven't felt good to me, ones in which I feel at the wrong end of power plays, because that has too often been the case. I'm working hard on learning to stand up for myself, be assertive without being aggressive, and being more honest about how I feel and who I am, being authentic and listening to my own authority.
I reconnected with some old friends, strengthened friendships that were budding last year, like Linda, my writing friend extraordinaire, and a local friend who I meet for lunch every month or so. She has been great to talk to and she's helped me sexify my life, meaning mostly she's helped me work on fixing up my apartment in a way that really suits me. In a way, a lot of this year has been about investing in quality things that I really love, whether they're from thrift stores or malls, whether it's in clothes or curtains or friendships or college decisions.
My friend found me matching lamps for my bedroom that were perfect colors, a painting to hang up that fits perfectly, and helped me rearrange the furniture in there, and now I just love being in there. Call it feng shui or whatever, but my bedroom now feels so much more inviting, peaceful, satisfying, sexy, instead of some sort of chaotic throwaway place. This same friend also found me a set of dishes and some other odds and ends, and I know I'll take these things with me when I move, and keep for years to come. It's a trend I'd like to continue.
I also met some new friends this year, like Janna and others at the PNWA writing conference, Kali who I met through an online forum, and then met in real life twice during my trip. It's funny, when I went back to work at camp this year, I was part-time, and I didn't live there, but somehow I feel like I've made more connections this year than in years past. Especially after the season ended, I got to spend a lot of quality time with quality people who stuck around, but even before that, I felt like I got to know the staff pretty well, and had some great times going out with them. I'm finally hanging with people my own age, which is really incredible. That's yet another thing I want to continue and increase in this new year.
Writing also went well for me in 2007. In January or February, I got the first full critique of my book, which was followed by Linda's, and I used those to completely rework my book, to take it deeper, to address albinism more, to focus the story, to brave the darker parts, enter them and put them on paper. I completely rewrote the first section, which was hard. Originally I had an essayish narrative a tthe beginning,a nd that grew and morphed and changed some more into now four distinct chapters with vivid scenes, most of which were pretty difficult to write, and I'm very happy with it now. In October I finished my most recent draft, and sent it to Linda again, and received her full critique a few weeks ago.
Also in writing news, I went to some open mic readings, locally and in Seattle, went to a writing conference and pitched to agents, had two pieces selected as finalists in I'm From Rolling Stone, got some personalized rejection letters from agents, got an agent referral after an open mic reading (that agent subsequently sent me a personalized rejection too, lol), entered a lot of contests in which I didn't place, got accepted for the Orcas ArtSmith Residency and was invited to read at The Best Memoirists Pageant Ever. So all in all, it's been a successful year for my writing.
I'll also say there was one other little writing thing I found out about in early December, that may or may not make it to print, I'll know very soon, but until then I don't want to say anything.
So overall, my feelings towards this past year, are largely positive.
Currently Listening:
"Shine" - Dog's Eye View - this song deserves its own post, it has quite the history for me, and has some really profound lines. Probably my favorite DEV song out there. This would be one of those quality songs that I will take with me forever, thanks to a friend, almost eight years ago, who used to call herself BlueShine.
2007 is a year that for me is really hard to classify. In some ways it was incredibly hard. I started the year in pretty bad shape financially and romantically. Then by February, both seemed to get a little better, and then in April I said goodbye to Mr. O, which was really hard, and had a whole slew of financial setbacks. In November I said goodbye to the dog, which was also hard in its own way. I also had some difficulties with family and friends. This year was rife with trouble and turmoil. Numerologically, I was in a 6 personal year, which often is linked with extra responsibilities and burdens, and that was a gross understatement for how the year actually turned out. There were definitely times I felt like so much shit was hitting me at once I couldn't see straight. There was a lot I crawled out from underneath.
Yet, when I look back at it, my feelings about the year are more positive than negative. In some ways, I feel like I really came into my own. I feel stronger than I did at this point last year, that's for sure. I also feel like I sort of blossomed in a way, especially in terms of clothing, if that makes sense. I got rid of a lot of old clothes that had never fit well, that I'd worn for ages because they were there, things I didn't feel comfortable in but wore anyway, clothes people gave me as hand-me-downs or that I'd found at free clothing drives that were five sizes too big, or just totally not me, things that made me feel frumpy and homely. So I did a lot of clearing out, and then during my trip, got some new clothes that I felt supremely attracted to in terms of color and style.
I've always had this thing about looking at clothes with an artist's eye, looking at outfits almost like a painting. It's hard to explain, and it's something I've done all my life, so it's so integral to how I am that it's hard to nail down and describe. I am totally drawn to color, so I'm always looking at how my clothes look together color-wise, and going for an aesthetic satisfaction that may not make sense or even be noticeable to anyone else. And in recent years, in a lot of clothes I felt so blah and so unsatisfied artistically that I almost stopped thinking about it, but that just felt like dulling myself down. That's not to say nothing was good. This move towards my truer artistic compass and better fitting in dressing is something I've made steps toward in the last few years, slowly and surely, and then this year it was like, okay, I'm completely ready to take this on, and also to embrace being sexy. All of that has felt really good.
I've also worked hard to change my financial situation in the last year, and I feel great about that. I have savings, not a ton, but some to build on. I have paid off a lot of bills, not all, but pretty damn close. In fact, most months, I'm ready to go online and pay bills before they're even issued, which feels sooo awesome. I feel on top of things, secure, able to support myself. I also have been able to afford things, like my trip, without dipping into those savings. I don't feel completely poor, and I absolutely did when 2007 started and my account was severely overdrawn. It has taken a lot of hard work, and hopefully this trend will only continue into 2008, especially with college coming up!
I definitely feel like it's been a year for seeing my won strengths, my own ability ot take care of myself financially, emotionally and beyond, and it's been great. It hasn't been without the support of friends and others. I see a therapist, I get regular bodywork from my friend who gives the best massages ever. I have some of the best friends in the world. And I'm also learning how to do it for myself. I'm working on changing relationships that haven't felt good to me, ones in which I feel at the wrong end of power plays, because that has too often been the case. I'm working hard on learning to stand up for myself, be assertive without being aggressive, and being more honest about how I feel and who I am, being authentic and listening to my own authority.
I reconnected with some old friends, strengthened friendships that were budding last year, like Linda, my writing friend extraordinaire, and a local friend who I meet for lunch every month or so. She has been great to talk to and she's helped me sexify my life, meaning mostly she's helped me work on fixing up my apartment in a way that really suits me. In a way, a lot of this year has been about investing in quality things that I really love, whether they're from thrift stores or malls, whether it's in clothes or curtains or friendships or college decisions.
My friend found me matching lamps for my bedroom that were perfect colors, a painting to hang up that fits perfectly, and helped me rearrange the furniture in there, and now I just love being in there. Call it feng shui or whatever, but my bedroom now feels so much more inviting, peaceful, satisfying, sexy, instead of some sort of chaotic throwaway place. This same friend also found me a set of dishes and some other odds and ends, and I know I'll take these things with me when I move, and keep for years to come. It's a trend I'd like to continue.
I also met some new friends this year, like Janna and others at the PNWA writing conference, Kali who I met through an online forum, and then met in real life twice during my trip. It's funny, when I went back to work at camp this year, I was part-time, and I didn't live there, but somehow I feel like I've made more connections this year than in years past. Especially after the season ended, I got to spend a lot of quality time with quality people who stuck around, but even before that, I felt like I got to know the staff pretty well, and had some great times going out with them. I'm finally hanging with people my own age, which is really incredible. That's yet another thing I want to continue and increase in this new year.
Writing also went well for me in 2007. In January or February, I got the first full critique of my book, which was followed by Linda's, and I used those to completely rework my book, to take it deeper, to address albinism more, to focus the story, to brave the darker parts, enter them and put them on paper. I completely rewrote the first section, which was hard. Originally I had an essayish narrative a tthe beginning,a nd that grew and morphed and changed some more into now four distinct chapters with vivid scenes, most of which were pretty difficult to write, and I'm very happy with it now. In October I finished my most recent draft, and sent it to Linda again, and received her full critique a few weeks ago.
Also in writing news, I went to some open mic readings, locally and in Seattle, went to a writing conference and pitched to agents, had two pieces selected as finalists in I'm From Rolling Stone, got some personalized rejection letters from agents, got an agent referral after an open mic reading (that agent subsequently sent me a personalized rejection too, lol), entered a lot of contests in which I didn't place, got accepted for the Orcas ArtSmith Residency and was invited to read at The Best Memoirists Pageant Ever. So all in all, it's been a successful year for my writing.
I'll also say there was one other little writing thing I found out about in early December, that may or may not make it to print, I'll know very soon, but until then I don't want to say anything.
So overall, my feelings towards this past year, are largely positive.
Currently Listening:
"Shine" - Dog's Eye View - this song deserves its own post, it has quite the history for me, and has some really profound lines. Probably my favorite DEV song out there. This would be one of those quality songs that I will take with me forever, thanks to a friend, almost eight years ago, who used to call herself BlueShine.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Why Do I Love House? - Part One, Intellectual Stimulation
Let me count the ways.
I have confessed before to my obsessive, undying love for this show, and being an analytical person, I have given a lot of thought to why the show appeals to me so much.
First, it's really intelligent, probably the smartest, funniest drama on TV. I guess in some ways, it's not all that different from a crime type show. There's just as much lying and investigating. Somehow though, House engages my mind more than any CSI type show, partly because the human body, and the psychology, are so infinitely fascinating. And I've learned a lot about medical conditions from watching the show. In fact, when I watch Jeopardy! which isn't that often, I have noticed myself answering questions right based on knowledge I gleamed from watching House. I have a real interest in diseases, and no idea why, so there is some satisfaction there. I love learning about auto-immune conditions, drugs and how they work (or don't), infections and cancers interacting, the really, really weird viruses and infections, testing and how in a lot of cases, they're not looking for an actual disease, but its fingerprints.
In fact I have a friend who audits health insurance claims, and I just recently found out t hat she gets to see all the diagnoses of all the claims she works on, and I actually got kind of jealous of her job. I love that she gets to see diseases and diagnoses from a distance, without actually working with people, lol, kinda like House. For awhile I've wanted to read Love In the Time of Cholera because it has cholera in the title. No idea WHY this fascinates me so, just that it does. What does it say about me, that I'm slightly more grabbed by "cholera" than "love"? Hmmm. I have got to read it that way.
The other reason the show appeals to my intellect is that all the dialogue between the characters is clever, witty, and takes some mind power to sometimes keep up with all the reasonings and get the "ah ha!" moments. I like that, the hilarious sarcasm, the cleverness in the interactions, the way things are always turning around, the analysis of behavior, the studying of what people say and what that really means, all the observations and deductive reasoning. I love the instances where they have a limited amount of samples so they can only do a few tests and they have to really use that deductive reasoning to decide what to test for. I love House's split-second realizations where he pieces everything together, where one thing sparks the revelation. Something about it is sooo mentally-engaging that even though it's over my head, I feel invigorated. I love the differentials. I love the witty conversations that have nothing to do with the medicine. In essence, watching House is like studying genius, and I guess I'd like to think by immersing myself in it, I'll get a little on me.
The show feeds my mind, and my mind is very hungry. In my current life, in a lot of ways, I'm intellectually frustrated. Sure, I can read books and all of that, but I guess I'm intellectually frustrated more in a way that relates to other people. I can read, but I don't have people to share the ideas with other than myself really. Or at least, not in my present, in-person life, and I crave it so much. I crave discussion and analysis that isn't just in my own mind. It's one of the reasons I want to go back to school. Living on an island the way I do, I don't get enough mental stimulation, enough input. There are some incredibly intelligent people here, but I am a bit insatiable and I would love a bigger pool. Sometimes I even avoid reading too-engaging books because I know I'll have no one to discuss it with, and that just leads to more frustration.
Even with House, I wish I had people to discuss it with. I'd love to get into conversations about what makes certain episodes shine, or even just why I love certain episodes, with people who have also seen them and can share their own insights and opinions. I'd love to have laughfests talking about some of the best clinic scenes. I would love to discuss how the show sometimes plays against stereotypes. I'd love to talk to other avid fans about the gender roles on the show, how sometimes they are reversed (and how that sometimes can create its own trend on the show - like for example, it seems that the few teenage girl patients who've had sex at really young ages are always the initiators - and what the implications of that). Or about how relationships are generally portrayed on the show, whether it's a romantic relationship or a parent-child one.
Why is it so often that in the romantic relationship, the woman is the one lying about her past? Is it because it might be more typical to suspect the man of lying, cheating, having previous kids he hasn't told the wife about, and they want to play against that, be more unexpected? Why is it that in almost every relationship involving a couple that a viewer might, at first, perceive as happy, there is some major darkness and lies underneath the surface? And the one couple that actually does seem to love each other turns out to be related? Do certain trends on the show reflect societal norms, or do they attempt to twist them? Are there political or social implications sometimes made in the show, subtle and perhaps unintentional or not? I'd even like to discuss certain inconsistencies, like why is Wilson's wife named Julie in the first two seasons, and then in season 3, the only time we actually see her, she's named Bonnie? Why does it seem, halfway through the show, that House went to Hopkins, while in earlier seasons it was Foreman who went there? And in "Humpty Dumpty," Cameron asks Cuddy about she and House going to Michigan? Where did he really go? And how long was he working at the hospital anyway - some episodes make it seem like it was before his infarction, and others make it seem sooner, and I'd love to have a clear timeline, sit down with other obsessive viewers and work that timeline out, or figure out if it's just plain inconsistencies.
I love wondering about how the writers come up with the ideas. I wonder what part in an episode came first, what sketch of an idea did they start with, and how did that develop from there, and how did they think up all the twists and turns, did they start with the solution and create it from there? How did they fit the perfect background, character interactions to coincide with the medical cases? Sometimes they come up with the best metaphors, and the best titles, that work on so many levels if you give it some thought. One that jumps to mind is "Cane and Able," the second episode in Season 3. It has so many implications. On the Season 2 DVD, there are two episodes that you can watch with director commentary, and I love those, because they point out things I wouldn't even notice, again stretching the mind even further. I was so glad they did that for the episode, "No Reason," in which House gets shot and goes in and out of hallucination (I won't say more in case anyone watches it, don't want to give anything away). It's one of the most complex episodes. Really though, I'd be thrilled to watch commentary on every episode, gain more insight into the process that creates these layered episodes, again wanting to get a little of that through osmosis.
Even without having other fanatic viewers to discuss these things with, the show really does satisfy some of my intellectual frustrations. The case is always solved at the end. And even if I've watched an episode a whole bunch of times, I feel I still learn more by watching it again, nuances of the medical stuff, a witticism, a superbly clever line I didn't quite catch before, a visual thing I may not have seen because I had it on while doing dishes and listened more than watched. The cleverness and the humor of that show, in my opinion is totally unmatched. I love that a lot of it, I don't understand, because that makes it more challenging to me. What I would LOVE to do is write my own episode for the show, I mean just for my own enjoyment, I know it wouldn't ever actually make it to the show (unless maybe if I become a super famous author, perhaps I'd best best get on that). Writing one just for fun may never be possible without extensive medical training, but I'll put it out there as a goal. Emerson offers classes on writing for TV, and my tour guide when I was there talked about taking a science class on infectious diseases, which I hope they'll offer again next year. Yeah, it's high time for me to go back to college.
So until then, I'll keep watching House, for these and many other reasons to come.
Currently Listening:
"The Professor" - Damien Rice - probably my favorite song at the moment, oh his voice is so smooth and rich and passionate, and I love the lyrics. My favorite line of the song is, "Loving is fine if you've plenty of time/for walking on stilts at the edge of your mind."
I have confessed before to my obsessive, undying love for this show, and being an analytical person, I have given a lot of thought to why the show appeals to me so much.
First, it's really intelligent, probably the smartest, funniest drama on TV. I guess in some ways, it's not all that different from a crime type show. There's just as much lying and investigating. Somehow though, House engages my mind more than any CSI type show, partly because the human body, and the psychology, are so infinitely fascinating. And I've learned a lot about medical conditions from watching the show. In fact, when I watch Jeopardy! which isn't that often, I have noticed myself answering questions right based on knowledge I gleamed from watching House. I have a real interest in diseases, and no idea why, so there is some satisfaction there. I love learning about auto-immune conditions, drugs and how they work (or don't), infections and cancers interacting, the really, really weird viruses and infections, testing and how in a lot of cases, they're not looking for an actual disease, but its fingerprints.
In fact I have a friend who audits health insurance claims, and I just recently found out t hat she gets to see all the diagnoses of all the claims she works on, and I actually got kind of jealous of her job. I love that she gets to see diseases and diagnoses from a distance, without actually working with people, lol, kinda like House. For awhile I've wanted to read Love In the Time of Cholera because it has cholera in the title. No idea WHY this fascinates me so, just that it does. What does it say about me, that I'm slightly more grabbed by "cholera" than "love"? Hmmm. I have got to read it that way.
The other reason the show appeals to my intellect is that all the dialogue between the characters is clever, witty, and takes some mind power to sometimes keep up with all the reasonings and get the "ah ha!" moments. I like that, the hilarious sarcasm, the cleverness in the interactions, the way things are always turning around, the analysis of behavior, the studying of what people say and what that really means, all the observations and deductive reasoning. I love the instances where they have a limited amount of samples so they can only do a few tests and they have to really use that deductive reasoning to decide what to test for. I love House's split-second realizations where he pieces everything together, where one thing sparks the revelation. Something about it is sooo mentally-engaging that even though it's over my head, I feel invigorated. I love the differentials. I love the witty conversations that have nothing to do with the medicine. In essence, watching House is like studying genius, and I guess I'd like to think by immersing myself in it, I'll get a little on me.
The show feeds my mind, and my mind is very hungry. In my current life, in a lot of ways, I'm intellectually frustrated. Sure, I can read books and all of that, but I guess I'm intellectually frustrated more in a way that relates to other people. I can read, but I don't have people to share the ideas with other than myself really. Or at least, not in my present, in-person life, and I crave it so much. I crave discussion and analysis that isn't just in my own mind. It's one of the reasons I want to go back to school. Living on an island the way I do, I don't get enough mental stimulation, enough input. There are some incredibly intelligent people here, but I am a bit insatiable and I would love a bigger pool. Sometimes I even avoid reading too-engaging books because I know I'll have no one to discuss it with, and that just leads to more frustration.
Even with House, I wish I had people to discuss it with. I'd love to get into conversations about what makes certain episodes shine, or even just why I love certain episodes, with people who have also seen them and can share their own insights and opinions. I'd love to have laughfests talking about some of the best clinic scenes. I would love to discuss how the show sometimes plays against stereotypes. I'd love to talk to other avid fans about the gender roles on the show, how sometimes they are reversed (and how that sometimes can create its own trend on the show - like for example, it seems that the few teenage girl patients who've had sex at really young ages are always the initiators - and what the implications of that). Or about how relationships are generally portrayed on the show, whether it's a romantic relationship or a parent-child one.
Why is it so often that in the romantic relationship, the woman is the one lying about her past? Is it because it might be more typical to suspect the man of lying, cheating, having previous kids he hasn't told the wife about, and they want to play against that, be more unexpected? Why is it that in almost every relationship involving a couple that a viewer might, at first, perceive as happy, there is some major darkness and lies underneath the surface? And the one couple that actually does seem to love each other turns out to be related? Do certain trends on the show reflect societal norms, or do they attempt to twist them? Are there political or social implications sometimes made in the show, subtle and perhaps unintentional or not? I'd even like to discuss certain inconsistencies, like why is Wilson's wife named Julie in the first two seasons, and then in season 3, the only time we actually see her, she's named Bonnie? Why does it seem, halfway through the show, that House went to Hopkins, while in earlier seasons it was Foreman who went there? And in "Humpty Dumpty," Cameron asks Cuddy about she and House going to Michigan? Where did he really go? And how long was he working at the hospital anyway - some episodes make it seem like it was before his infarction, and others make it seem sooner, and I'd love to have a clear timeline, sit down with other obsessive viewers and work that timeline out, or figure out if it's just plain inconsistencies.
I love wondering about how the writers come up with the ideas. I wonder what part in an episode came first, what sketch of an idea did they start with, and how did that develop from there, and how did they think up all the twists and turns, did they start with the solution and create it from there? How did they fit the perfect background, character interactions to coincide with the medical cases? Sometimes they come up with the best metaphors, and the best titles, that work on so many levels if you give it some thought. One that jumps to mind is "Cane and Able," the second episode in Season 3. It has so many implications. On the Season 2 DVD, there are two episodes that you can watch with director commentary, and I love those, because they point out things I wouldn't even notice, again stretching the mind even further. I was so glad they did that for the episode, "No Reason," in which House gets shot and goes in and out of hallucination (I won't say more in case anyone watches it, don't want to give anything away). It's one of the most complex episodes. Really though, I'd be thrilled to watch commentary on every episode, gain more insight into the process that creates these layered episodes, again wanting to get a little of that through osmosis.
Even without having other fanatic viewers to discuss these things with, the show really does satisfy some of my intellectual frustrations. The case is always solved at the end. And even if I've watched an episode a whole bunch of times, I feel I still learn more by watching it again, nuances of the medical stuff, a witticism, a superbly clever line I didn't quite catch before, a visual thing I may not have seen because I had it on while doing dishes and listened more than watched. The cleverness and the humor of that show, in my opinion is totally unmatched. I love that a lot of it, I don't understand, because that makes it more challenging to me. What I would LOVE to do is write my own episode for the show, I mean just for my own enjoyment, I know it wouldn't ever actually make it to the show (unless maybe if I become a super famous author, perhaps I'd best best get on that). Writing one just for fun may never be possible without extensive medical training, but I'll put it out there as a goal. Emerson offers classes on writing for TV, and my tour guide when I was there talked about taking a science class on infectious diseases, which I hope they'll offer again next year. Yeah, it's high time for me to go back to college.
So until then, I'll keep watching House, for these and many other reasons to come.
Currently Listening:
"The Professor" - Damien Rice - probably my favorite song at the moment, oh his voice is so smooth and rich and passionate, and I love the lyrics. My favorite line of the song is, "Loving is fine if you've plenty of time/for walking on stilts at the edge of your mind."
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