I am nervous making this post, might as well get that out of the way from the very beginning.
As I've talked about in previous blogs, I'm planning on returning to school next fall to finish my undergrad degree. I'm looking at some WA state schools, and also, as described in I Can't Seem to Stop Stretching, widening my circles of where I'm looking. I'm not sure I want to stay in WA. I am sure it would be easier, especially financially, and that if I go somewhere else, everything will depend on financial aid. Still, that hasn't stopped me from looking. I dream big, always. And I'm determined as shit, so if I want to make something happen that's more of a stretch, I'll find a way. Of that, I have no doubt.
*
On a different note, up until April, I was living with this guy. He doesn't want to be written about (and almost definitely hasn't seen my blog), and I want to respect that, but also be able to give bare bones background stuff when necessary, so I'm taking a cue from Janna, (whose blog you should really read, btw - when I went to go retreive the addy to make the linkey, I got distracted by reading her latest post - she's great). She calls her husband "the dreadfully charming Mr. Right," or "Mr. R" for short. So, in that vein, I'm going to call this guy who was living with me, Mr. Orestes, b/c the song "Orestes" by A Perfect Circle reminds me of him. We'll make that Mr. O for short.
Wow, that's pretty weird, calling someone I lived with a nickname like that, but anyway, so yes, Mr. O and I were living together in my apartment with a big brown puppy. It was never really clear whether Mr. O and I were roommates, friends, or more than friends (and that ambiguity drove me absolutely batty). It definitely started as more than friends, and that's definitely what I wanted, but I can't say either of us would win any gold stars for communication (read: that is the understatement of the millenium) so, things were unclear. And then he had to return to Boston to take care of some things. Who knows what'll happen when he's done taking care of things, in the next month or two. It's been so long since April that I'm a little unsure what I want at this point, definitely unsure what he wants, but I am sure, definitely, that I love the guy. I promise you need to know this for the rest of the story to make sense, or at least for some of the dilemma to be clear.
*
Three weeks ago, I was talking to my friend Edie on the phone. Edie used to work at the YMCA camp with me and is now a grad student at Suffolk. We were having a grand discussion about schools I might look at, with the whole vast vista of the US open with possibility before me. We talked about schools out west, in the midwest, back east, schools we'd gone to, schools we visited, and so on. Then the following conversation ensued:
Edie: Chrys, you should look at schools in Boston.
Me: I can't. Mr. O's there. That'd be like, wrong, like invading his territory or something.
Edie: But there's so many schools here, and there's like 250,000 college studens here. You'd probably never even run into him.
Me: I don't know.
Edie: You can live in my tiny studio with me for free. Think about it.
Some idle daydreaming and joking about what it would be like to live in a small box together and rock the Northeast ensued.
Edie: Seriously, you should at least look into it. There's so many schools here. There's Suffolk, Boston College, Boston U... (she goes on to list a whole bunch and I brush them all off, having no particular inclination towards any) ... There's Emerson.
Emerson.
Oh, Emerson. I even love the name. But more importantly, I almost went there. Ten years ago, Emerson was THE school I wanted to go to. They have an amazingly awesome writing program. I met my high school boyfriend the summer before senior year at a blind kids' program, and that's how we started talking, we both wanted to go to Emerson. He went. I didn't. Oh, I got in. I even got accepted into their Honors program, which is highly competitive and hard to get into. But I didn't go. I didn't go partly because my parents had a lot of reservations about Emerson, and I won't go so far as to say they talked me out of it, but their concerns augmented my own.
And what concerns were those? I'm sure you're dying to know. First was that Emerson focuses mostly on communications, performing arts and writing. What if, as sure as I felt that writing was my passion, I decided I wanted to major in something else? Psychology, philosophy, a foreign language, science? I was a well-rounded student, generally doing well in and enjoying many different areas of academics. I even loved math (still do). It seemed a valid concern. The bigger concern, however, was that it was in a city. As my mom always liked to say, "It just worries me that there isn't any campus."
It scared the shit out of me. I'd always lived in suburbia. My life was extremely sheltered and overprotected, almost comically so. Even in my small NJ town, I had a very limited adolescent experience. The only places I ever felt like I'd been a real teenager were at blind camp, and among my neighbors, who stopped hanging out with me in my early years of high school. I was pretty socially retarded, partly because of being teased and ostracized by the other kids at school, and partly because I wasn't allowed to do anything. It seemed I was always in trouble, on some restriction for some report card indiscretion. My bedtime was earlier than anyone else's that I knew, and even my pop culture intake (movies and TV mostly) was very restricted. In a lot of ways, socially, I was a lot younger than my peers.
Even though I totally wanted to get out of high school and my house, the thought of going to college, anywhere, with kids who'd been real teenagers and who might party, drink, do drugs, have sex, go on dates, talk about all the pop culture things I'd missed and treat me like an alien for missing them, flirt, and so on, scared me, a lot. Then add in the city factor, and I was downright quivering with fear. I didn't know how to navigate a city. I'd never taken public transit alone in my life. I'd taken it a few times, with people who knew what they were doing, and it seemed confusing and scary and impossible to figure out. I was afraid of walking around my own hometown by myself b/c I'd been harassed while walking home from school before. I would never survive in a city.
So I didn't go to Emerson. I went to a small school with less than a thousand students in a tiny town with no public transit and felt suffocated by its smallness. Adventures to get to concerts made me take seriously the idea that I *could* possibly travel, fly, etc. I started to want something else, something far. I transferred to school in Flagstaff, which did give me some experience with travel, flying, taking buses from the airport to the school, but was still a small town. I still felt stifled. I wanted to really, truly, irrevocably be independent. So I left school and traveled to organic farms all over the west coast, by greyhound bus. I got straned twice in Portland, OR, where, by virtue of necessity, I took public buses. I almost slept on the floor in the bathroom of the greyhound station. I got asked for drugs (repeatedly, actually, that stands out as one of my largest Portland memories, the number of people who asked me for drugs). I even survived being asked for sex on a street corner by some guy who offered me $200 to come home with him, lol. And I had fun. I went to the Rose Festival, explored the city, spent a day in Powell's bookstore, stayed at hostels and generally made the most of my crazy circumstances. It was one of the most stressful times in my life, but I learned so much. In the end I had to go home (by Greyhound of course).
Four months later I moved to Seattle, and that was THE most stressful four months in my life, ever. I was poor as shit, so were my roommates, and we lived in a seedy section of south Seattle where people asked us if we wanted to buy crack. We were all jobless. Our house had no heat. We ate food from the Food Bank for months. And looked for work. I walked around Seattle all the time. I took the buses to get to job interviews or fill out applications, or to attempt to donate plasma for money. I learned the city fast. I took buses all over the neighborhoods. I remember walking around Seattle well after midnight, after a Pearl Jam concert (I got tix way before I realized how hard it would be to find a job). I walked from the Key Arena by the Space Needle, to my bus stop, which was so many blocks away I couldn't even count it. The whole walk through Seattle, I was alert but not afraid, and I realized I was really getting the hang of this city thing.
In time, I knew how to get just about anywhere on the metro system, knew how to orient myself if I was lost (which was somewhat common for me, at least in the beginning), and found myself telling strangers at bus stops how to get where and which bus to take. I got a seasonal job at Barnes and Noble and had to make a connecting bus under a bridge at First & Spokane, a lonely bus stop, often late at night. My bus only came once an hour, so I spent a large portion of time, waiting at that lonely stop, again alert but not afraid. By the time my four months were up and I was offered a job on this cozy island where I live now, I knew that I could handle urban survival.
But I learned that by doing, and didn't know that back then when I was deciding between schools, and probably honestly wasn't at all ready to handle soemthing like that at the time. But now, years later, I'm not so worried about any of those old concerns.
Suffice to say, Edie had piqued my interest.
Me: But I couldn't really go there. I mean, what if Mr. O thought I was doing it to chase him or something? My pride couldn't handle that.
Edie: I think you're thinking about that way too much. I mean why let it influence you one way or the other?
Me: Yeah.
Edie: But I do have to tell you, Chrys, (giggles), if you do meet up with Mr. O, and you do live in my tiny box with me (more giggles), you guys are not allowed to do it in my studio. I will not be sexiled!
We both laughed. Then we daydreamed some more about what fun we'd have going to school in the same city, revisited old inside jokes and memories from our days working together at camp, and talked about our futures. When we hung up, I told her I'd think about Emerson.
And I did. In fact, I haven't stopped thinking about it ever since. I went to the college's website, and nearly salivated over the writing classes. Fiction, poetry, non-fiction, screenwriting, magazine writing, humor writing, even writing for stand-up comedy (which sounds totally fun), book publishing, magazine publishing, layout and design classes. A lot of these classes are offered at all levels (intro, intermediate, advanced), which means there's even more of them. I have looked at a lot of schools' websites, and Emerson definitely offers the best-looking classes. They also talk about links with numerous for-credit internship possibilities in publishing, magazines, etc. Another plus is that one of the things I want to do with my writing is readings, spoken word performance, and Emerson is strong in the performing arts. I'm sure I could take a class or two to amp my abilities in that department and take part in some student readings. I also like that though its majors are in communication and the arts, the curriculum there includes a solid liberal arts base. I might even be able to take a math class if I really felt like it. So, yes, I have been thinking about Emerson.
But I don't want to admit it. What will my friends think? What will Mr. O think if he finds out? How nicely coincidental is it that the school I'm thinking the most about just happens to be in his city? It seems a little too convenient, doesn't it? It shouldn't matter, really. For all I know, I may never hear from Mr. O again. And there are hundreds of thousands of college students in Boston. And I was interested in this school before I knew Mr. O existed. And it's a great school with a program I'm looking for, a philosophy I can get behind, and a good rep, as far as if I want to go to grad school (which I strongly believe I do - If I could I'd go straight to grad school for writing). And if I do this, I won't be going there until almost a full year from now, at which point, the Mr. O issue could be completely null and void.
But still, there is a small but extremely strong-willed, prideful part of me that says no, I can't go there, on principle. I can't go anywhere that might, even in the slightest way, be motivated by a boy. I am afraid of him finding out I'm even considering this. I hate ever doing anything that could make it seem like I might want someone who might not want me back. I am an independent, strong woman and that would look pathetic. And there may be a small, tiny, miniscule iota of truth in it. I'm not even sure, so I say there may be. As much as intellectually I'm sort of distancing myself from him, because I'm unsure where things are with us, like I said, I love the guy and when I'm being disgustingly dreamy I sometimes do picture us together still and hope that things could end up that way for us, if I'm being completely honest. So maybe that is part of the motivation.
On the other hand, when I'm not in daydreamy land, I'm not even sure I want to be with Mr. O anyway, even if we were in the same place. Our relationship was stressed, and his impending departure put pressure on it that both of us (and I have to say I was probably worse here, or more openly displaying it) didn't handle it well. We very well may not be right for each other. I would like to work some things out and maintain the friendship we had at the least, b/c I thought that was always strong, but I think a lot would have to change, for both of us, for a real romantic relationship to even work between us. And I don't know that he wants that and a lot times I'm no longer sure myself. Plus, with everything up in the air for so long between us, I keep thinking, well, if opportunity knocked in boyland, I just might answer the door. Lately I've even thought about actually, like, dating, wherever I end up going to school. I've always just hung out with people and ended up interested in someone or whatever, but I keep thinking, maybe I'd like to sample the dating scene, try to get past some of my shyness. So, I'm ambivalent now about Mr. O myself, and that ambivalence is what makes me say that I'm not even sure that he does factor into this picture at all. I mean, when I was writing up there all the things that make Emerson so enticing to me, it's like the Mr. O issue felt so....well, like a non-issue.
Another more clear-cut motivation that might be just as daydreamy and not down-to-earth is my childhood love of the Northeast and how I long for harsh winters, humid summers, fireflies, thunderstorms and the idea of New England (I was born in CT).
So, how does a person sort all this out? Might it be just as pathetic to not go somewhere b/c I'm afraid of how it would look? I'm sure it would.
So, I'm still thinking about it. Things have neatly fallen in place for me to visit the school. I got invited to possibly be part of a memoirists reading in NYC in November. It just happens that the big November weekend where I work (which most years, would be the same weekend as this NYC event) is the weekend before, leaving me free to go back east. It just happens that Edie has an extra day off that weekend I'll be in NYC, and says we can go back up to her place that Monday, to check out the city, and so I can visit the school. It just happens that Emerson has an Open House a few days later. It's all close enough to Thanksgiving that I could combine the NYC event and the school visit with a holiday with the family. Oh and yesterday, my boss said it'd be absolutely fine if I took all that time off, as we have almost no work at all while I'll be gone. Plane tickets back east are even disgustingly reasonable.
This could all really happen. I would like it to. I just wish, for convenience sake, that Mr. O was somewhere like Florida or Chicago, so his location woudln't enter into the equation and I wouldn't have to worry about my pride.
*
Note: Emerson, to my utter, astonishingly great surprise, was not discussed at all in Choosing the RIght College. Go figure.
Note #2: For anyone hoping for something a little more juicy from the title of this blog, a little girls gone wild or something, just you wait! If I do get into Emerson, I'll have to finance it somehow! Hahahaha, kidding. Sometimes I think if I wasn't so freakin' socially retarted still, I'd be a total flirt. Someday, someday.
As Chef on South Park would say, there's a time for everything, and it's called college.
Currently Listening:
"Like A Prayer" - Tori Amos' version
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
A quickie - part of my book up at The Memoirists Collective
Heh, I said quickie.
Anyway, each Monday, The Memoirists Collective has an online workshop on their blog, where they post a section of someone's memoir for comment.
And this week, it's mine! It's the very first section of my book. Read it here and feel free to comment.
Currently Listening:
"Big Tall Man" - Liz Phair
Anyway, each Monday, The Memoirists Collective has an online workshop on their blog, where they post a section of someone's memoir for comment.
And this week, it's mine! It's the very first section of my book. Read it here and feel free to comment.
Currently Listening:
"Big Tall Man" - Liz Phair
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
My Artist Statement
(The artist statement is something I had to write for a grant I applied for. I railed against it, mainly by way of procrastination, but here's how it eventually, perhaps a bit too passionately, came out.)
ARTIST STATEMENT
Like most people I know, my childhood was regularly awful. I am albino, which means that my skin, hair and eyes are paler than pale and I'm legally blind. This condition complicated social matters, but with a messy home life, I often felt more different and alienated on the inside than I was in outward appearance. I survived my difficult times by reading books. Books entertained and deepened me. Reading took me to other worlds, which paradoxically helped me understand my own life and illuminated what it meant to be human.
Writing is a natural outgrowth of that love of books. I am fascinated with words and their power. In my mind, for as long as I can remember, I've associated letters with different colors, so writing feels a little like painting. What most drives my writing though, is my desire to create for other people what books once created for me, a deep connection and the sense that we aren't so terribly alone in the world. I write to come to terms with life and its fragile splendor, struggle, passion, love, loss, anguish, rage, lust, disappointment and small graces that happen almost accidentally in the midst.
When I was younger, I did this through science-fiction stories and used other world settings to illustrate human life. Occasionally instead of science-fiction I used satire for the same purpose. In college, my focus shifted to literary fiction and a deeper psychological exploration of characters in contemporary settings. In more recent years, that focus shifted again, this time to memoir writing, a passion that continues and grows stronger with age.
I write memoir because if I don't, experiences and feelings get stuck inside me. I write to understand my own psyche, to connect with other people and with my sense of a bigger, deeper spiritual dimension, to use the landscape of language to capture feelings that are beyond words. My only rule for myself in writing is to be real, raw and ruthless with truth.
Because I can't see well, I'm a keen observer. I have to hold things close to my eyes to see them, and I pay close attention to details and rely on other ways of seeing that aren't always tangible. In writing, I do the same kind of close examination of events and emotions, holding them up to the light to study in exquisite detail. I believe that writing and reading memoir is a way for people, collectively, to digest their own lives in a culture that rarely values the time and depth it takes to do that sort of digesting.
My favorite memoir teacher, Janet Thomas, talks about a speech Robert Redford once gave at a summit for filmmakers. He said to them that we are living in a dying world and it's their job to document that world, capture things before they disappear. I think of that as my job too.
ARTIST STATEMENT
Like most people I know, my childhood was regularly awful. I am albino, which means that my skin, hair and eyes are paler than pale and I'm legally blind. This condition complicated social matters, but with a messy home life, I often felt more different and alienated on the inside than I was in outward appearance. I survived my difficult times by reading books. Books entertained and deepened me. Reading took me to other worlds, which paradoxically helped me understand my own life and illuminated what it meant to be human.
Writing is a natural outgrowth of that love of books. I am fascinated with words and their power. In my mind, for as long as I can remember, I've associated letters with different colors, so writing feels a little like painting. What most drives my writing though, is my desire to create for other people what books once created for me, a deep connection and the sense that we aren't so terribly alone in the world. I write to come to terms with life and its fragile splendor, struggle, passion, love, loss, anguish, rage, lust, disappointment and small graces that happen almost accidentally in the midst.
When I was younger, I did this through science-fiction stories and used other world settings to illustrate human life. Occasionally instead of science-fiction I used satire for the same purpose. In college, my focus shifted to literary fiction and a deeper psychological exploration of characters in contemporary settings. In more recent years, that focus shifted again, this time to memoir writing, a passion that continues and grows stronger with age.
I write memoir because if I don't, experiences and feelings get stuck inside me. I write to understand my own psyche, to connect with other people and with my sense of a bigger, deeper spiritual dimension, to use the landscape of language to capture feelings that are beyond words. My only rule for myself in writing is to be real, raw and ruthless with truth.
Because I can't see well, I'm a keen observer. I have to hold things close to my eyes to see them, and I pay close attention to details and rely on other ways of seeing that aren't always tangible. In writing, I do the same kind of close examination of events and emotions, holding them up to the light to study in exquisite detail. I believe that writing and reading memoir is a way for people, collectively, to digest their own lives in a culture that rarely values the time and depth it takes to do that sort of digesting.
My favorite memoir teacher, Janet Thomas, talks about a speech Robert Redford once gave at a summit for filmmakers. He said to them that we are living in a dying world and it's their job to document that world, capture things before they disappear. I think of that as my job too.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Education
Currently Attending Portland State University, studying biology and pursuing writing on my own.
Went to Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, AZ. Studied astronomy and writing.
2000-2002
Attended Washington College in Chestertown, MD. Received the competitive Sophie Kerr Scholarship in Creative Writing, given to three incoming freshman.
1999-2000
Went to Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, AZ. Studied astronomy and writing.
2000-2002
Attended Washington College in Chestertown, MD. Received the competitive Sophie Kerr Scholarship in Creative Writing, given to three incoming freshman.
1999-2000
Awards and Honors
Chapter Three of memoir published in Shark Reef literary magazine - read me here.
2008
Selected for publication in the “Readers Write” section of The Sun magazine - read me here, on Parties.
2008
Chosen for the Orcas Artsmith weeklong writing residency.
2008
Named as a finalist during Week One and Week Two in MTV's “I'm From Rolling Stone” writing contest. During Week One, was one of five finalistss (out of over 500 submissions) to receive an honorable mention and praise by Rolling Stone editor, Joe Levy.
2007
Won two second-place ribbons at the San Juan County Fair's Written Word booth.
2005
Received Sophie Kerr scholarship in Creative Writing at Washington College, given to three incoming freshmen each year, based on writing portfolio. Read about the Sophie Kerr program here.
1999
Graduated Pequannock Township High School in Pompton Plains, NJ with the “Highest Honor” Award in Creative Writing.
1999
Won first place in school-wide short story and essay competitions in senior year of high school.
1999
Won first place in school-wide short story competition in junior year of high school.
1998
Nominated by high school for the New Jersey Governor's School of the Arts in Creative Writing.
1998
Named a National Merit Commended Scholar.
1998
Inducted into National Honor Society.
1998
Inducted into French Honor Society.
1997
2008
Selected for publication in the “Readers Write” section of The Sun magazine - read me here, on Parties.
2008
Chosen for the Orcas Artsmith weeklong writing residency.
2008
Named as a finalist during Week One and Week Two in MTV's “I'm From Rolling Stone” writing contest. During Week One, was one of five finalistss (out of over 500 submissions) to receive an honorable mention and praise by Rolling Stone editor, Joe Levy.
2007
Won two second-place ribbons at the San Juan County Fair's Written Word booth.
2005
Received Sophie Kerr scholarship in Creative Writing at Washington College, given to three incoming freshmen each year, based on writing portfolio. Read about the Sophie Kerr program here.
1999
Graduated Pequannock Township High School in Pompton Plains, NJ with the “Highest Honor” Award in Creative Writing.
1999
Won first place in school-wide short story and essay competitions in senior year of high school.
1999
Won first place in school-wide short story competition in junior year of high school.
1998
Nominated by high school for the New Jersey Governor's School of the Arts in Creative Writing.
1998
Named a National Merit Commended Scholar.
1998
Inducted into National Honor Society.
1998
Inducted into French Honor Society.
1997
Professional Work Experience in Writing
Wrote my own book manuscript, a memoir tentatively titled Moonchild, sent it out for critique and editing, most notably by Gillian Kendall, author of Mr. Ding's Chicken Feet, and manuscript reader for The Sun, and Linda Simoni-Wastila, novelist extraordinaire. Currently working on rewriting next draft and pursuing the path to publication.
2003-present
Hired yearly to write artist bios and press for the Opening Doors Art Show.
2005-present
Worked as a writing coach with individual clients.
2005-present
Copy-edited for the online music magazine The Scene LA.
1998-present
Gave book critique for Linda Simoni-Wastila (via the internet) on her novel.
2007
Taught fiction writing at Orcas Island Library
2006
Edited (for content and copy) Orcas writings, including memoirs, biographies and other family accounts.
2006
Sold chapbook chapters, stories, poems and CDs (of spoken word performance) at Orcas Island Farmer’s Market.
2006
Sold matted poem at art auction put on by Orcas Island Library.
2005
Copy-edited Naomi Aldort's Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.
2005
2003-present
Hired yearly to write artist bios and press for the Opening Doors Art Show.
2005-present
Worked as a writing coach with individual clients.
2005-present
Copy-edited for the online music magazine The Scene LA.
1998-present
Gave book critique for Linda Simoni-Wastila (via the internet) on her novel.
2007
Taught fiction writing at Orcas Island Library
2006
Edited (for content and copy) Orcas writings, including memoirs, biographies and other family accounts.
2006
Sold chapbook chapters, stories, poems and CDs (of spoken word performance) at Orcas Island Farmer’s Market.
2006
Sold matted poem at art auction put on by Orcas Island Library.
2005
Copy-edited Naomi Aldort's Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.
2005
Classes, Workshops and Groups
CLASSES
Took classes on Writing the Query Letter, Writing the Book Proposal and Advanced Memoir Writing through Writers Online Workshops.
2006-2007
Took memoir class taught by Janet Thomas, author of The Battle in Seattle and various articles, offered at Orcas Island Library through Skagit Valley College (not for credit) for five quarters.
2003-2005
Took JoEllen Moldoff's poetry class at Orcas Island Library.
2003
WORKSHOPS
Attended Pacific Northwest Writers Association Conference in Seattle and pitched it up.
2007
Attended The Sun magazine's weekend workshop on “The Power of Personal Stories” at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, CA.
2005
Attended weekend memoir workshop with Janet Thomas on Orcas Island.
2005
Attended weekend writing workshop on metaphor, symbolism and imagery with Susan Zwinger.
2003
GROUPS
Participated in weekly “Monday Writers” critique group on Orcas.
2004-present
Participated in monthly Writers' Roundtable at Orcas Library.
2003-present
Took classes on Writing the Query Letter, Writing the Book Proposal and Advanced Memoir Writing through Writers Online Workshops.
2006-2007
Took memoir class taught by Janet Thomas, author of The Battle in Seattle and various articles, offered at Orcas Island Library through Skagit Valley College (not for credit) for five quarters.
2003-2005
Took JoEllen Moldoff's poetry class at Orcas Island Library.
2003
WORKSHOPS
Attended Pacific Northwest Writers Association Conference in Seattle and pitched it up.
2007
Attended The Sun magazine's weekend workshop on “The Power of Personal Stories” at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, CA.
2005
Attended weekend memoir workshop with Janet Thomas on Orcas Island.
2005
Attended weekend writing workshop on metaphor, symbolism and imagery with Susan Zwinger.
2003
GROUPS
Participated in weekly “Monday Writers” critique group on Orcas.
2004-present
Participated in monthly Writers' Roundtable at Orcas Library.
2003-present
Readings
Read the first chapter of my book at The Best Memoirists Pageant Ever at the Bowery Poetry Club in New York City. Somewhere there is a recording of this and I will try to find a way to post it.
2007
Gave a reading of memoir work in a group spoken word reading at Kangaroo House on Orcas.
2007
Read work at Hugo House's Write-O-Rama in Seattle.
2007
Organized, advertized and held a two-hour live performance of my memoir chapters and poetry on Orcas.
2005
Read at the Island Women's Summit as a featured performer.
2005
2007
Gave a reading of memoir work in a group spoken word reading at Kangaroo House on Orcas.
2007
Read work at Hugo House's Write-O-Rama in Seattle.
2007
Organized, advertized and held a two-hour live performance of my memoir chapters and poetry on Orcas.
2005
Read at the Island Women's Summit as a featured performer.
2005
Friday, September 7, 2007
A Mishmosh of Other Notes
So, after further investigating UW's English department, I realized they really don't offer the array of writing classes I want. I'd spend most of my time there taking literature classes, which isn't necessarily terrible, but I want to be writing, and not just analytical, critical essays. I have three semesters left if all my credits transfer, and I don't want to have to put writing on hold for that long while I get my degree. What irks me to no end is that UW offers these "extension" programs aimed at the working adult, and they have extension classes in everything I want to take - memoir, creative non-fiction (as in articles and essays), screenwriting, genre fiction, literary fiction. Such a delectable selection! But of course, when I asked the English department, I found out that in no way can any of the extension classes be taken for credit.
The school isn't out of the question. I mean, they are well-respected academically, and tuition might be doable because I'm a state resident and I could get help from the Services for the Blind (for those unfamiliar, these blind-people agencies are state-run and vary considerably from state to state). It's also in a city, which is something I want, and to boot, a city I know pretty well. So, like I said, not out of the question, but I am looking elsewhere. I decided I'm going to aim to transfer next fall, which'll give me almost a year to thoroughly investigate schools, apply, save up money, prepare to move.
And the search continues. I think one of the best things is that I pretty clearly know what I want. I want to be somewhere with an array of writing classes in different styles and genres. I want to be somewhere with internship possibilities in publishing or teaching. I want to be somewhere urban. For one thing, living on my little island is making me a bit stir-crazy, emphasis on the crazy, but more importantly, since I don't drive, I want available public transit. I'm also way too old to live in a dorm (hated it when I was the right age), so somewhere where I can realistically commute to school. So, I'm continuing to look, do college searches, read up, and so on.
In the meantime, there's a screenwriting class being offered on the island. It runs from the end of Sept through the end of March, with a scene reading in April. The class is based on adapting Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods for the screen. I've never done screenwriting before, but have contemplated it for awhile. It scares me because it's so visual, and I'm visually-impaired, but then again, when I get story and book ideas, I always sort of see them like movies anyway. I think it could be challenging and great. It'll definitely be somethign to add to my writing resume, put on college applications, etc. This class is also supposed to be very rigorous, so it should give me a taste of what I'll be getting into with school.
All in all, my goals for the coming six-eight months or so:
-Write a screenplay based on A Walk in the Woods
-Research schools, apply, figure out where I want to be next year at this time
-Save money (I have about a grand now, which is about the most I've ever had, and this time I don't owe any outstanding phone bills or anything else I'm aware of). Gotta build on that as much as humanly possible, especially considering I live in a remote place that gets dead in the winter, and already my work hours are declining. Must brainstorm. Note to self: Topic for another blog.
-Finish revising my book and send it out to agents. Linda and I have changed our target date from the 15th of this month to the 30th. We each want to finish the next draft of our manuscripts by then, then exchange, read each other's, comment, return, make any changes (with some time in between there to get some fresh perspective), and then send out. I have those leads from the PNWA conference to start with.
And while I'm being ambitious, let me just say that this weekend I plan to:
-Clean my house
-Do laundry
-Make a big dinner (I often make big meals over the weekend, so I can heat 'em up quickly during the coming week when I'm working)
-Write up a proposal with different ideas for columns I could write for local newspapers
-Do a friend's astrological birthchart
As for today, I have a counseling appointment, a reunion with an old writing group that no longer meets, and work.
I'd better get going. I have a big chocolate lab who is going to be very pissed if I don't walk her soon!
Currently listening:
"The Song is Over" - The Who (God, I love this song, and the whole album, Who's Next?)
The school isn't out of the question. I mean, they are well-respected academically, and tuition might be doable because I'm a state resident and I could get help from the Services for the Blind (for those unfamiliar, these blind-people agencies are state-run and vary considerably from state to state). It's also in a city, which is something I want, and to boot, a city I know pretty well. So, like I said, not out of the question, but I am looking elsewhere. I decided I'm going to aim to transfer next fall, which'll give me almost a year to thoroughly investigate schools, apply, save up money, prepare to move.
And the search continues. I think one of the best things is that I pretty clearly know what I want. I want to be somewhere with an array of writing classes in different styles and genres. I want to be somewhere with internship possibilities in publishing or teaching. I want to be somewhere urban. For one thing, living on my little island is making me a bit stir-crazy, emphasis on the crazy, but more importantly, since I don't drive, I want available public transit. I'm also way too old to live in a dorm (hated it when I was the right age), so somewhere where I can realistically commute to school. So, I'm continuing to look, do college searches, read up, and so on.
In the meantime, there's a screenwriting class being offered on the island. It runs from the end of Sept through the end of March, with a scene reading in April. The class is based on adapting Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods for the screen. I've never done screenwriting before, but have contemplated it for awhile. It scares me because it's so visual, and I'm visually-impaired, but then again, when I get story and book ideas, I always sort of see them like movies anyway. I think it could be challenging and great. It'll definitely be somethign to add to my writing resume, put on college applications, etc. This class is also supposed to be very rigorous, so it should give me a taste of what I'll be getting into with school.
All in all, my goals for the coming six-eight months or so:
-Write a screenplay based on A Walk in the Woods
-Research schools, apply, figure out where I want to be next year at this time
-Save money (I have about a grand now, which is about the most I've ever had, and this time I don't owe any outstanding phone bills or anything else I'm aware of). Gotta build on that as much as humanly possible, especially considering I live in a remote place that gets dead in the winter, and already my work hours are declining. Must brainstorm. Note to self: Topic for another blog.
-Finish revising my book and send it out to agents. Linda and I have changed our target date from the 15th of this month to the 30th. We each want to finish the next draft of our manuscripts by then, then exchange, read each other's, comment, return, make any changes (with some time in between there to get some fresh perspective), and then send out. I have those leads from the PNWA conference to start with.
And while I'm being ambitious, let me just say that this weekend I plan to:
-Clean my house
-Do laundry
-Make a big dinner (I often make big meals over the weekend, so I can heat 'em up quickly during the coming week when I'm working)
-Write up a proposal with different ideas for columns I could write for local newspapers
-Do a friend's astrological birthchart
As for today, I have a counseling appointment, a reunion with an old writing group that no longer meets, and work.
I'd better get going. I have a big chocolate lab who is going to be very pissed if I don't walk her soon!
Currently listening:
"The Song is Over" - The Who (God, I love this song, and the whole album, Who's Next?)
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Choosing the Right College - Wrong for Me!
So, early this week I went to the local library to take out some books on colleges. I wanted books that had student perspectives. After all, you can only learn so much from a college's own website, where of course they only say all the good things about the school. I wanted something more in-depth and down to earth.
Well, there were only two college guides in the whole library and I checked them both out. One of them was Choosing the Right College. It was the 2006 edition, which has the word "Right" in red letters, which is apt.
I immediately flipped to the back of the book, expecting an index, so I could look up some of the schools I'm interested in. Instead of an index, there was a discussion of questions for students to ask while visiting colleges. At first it seemed inocuous - questions about what percent of classes are taught by TAs, and questions academic advising.
The next question struck me as a bit off. It was about asking whether there's a core curriculum - a list of courses that all students are required to take, or instead distribution requirements (meaning students must take, for example, two humanities classes, two social science classes, and so on, but are free to choose which classes within that area of study). In the explanation of the question, the book says, "Many colleges falsely state that they have a core curriculum when that is not at all the case. If [they say they do have a core curric], ask them how many choices exist within each disiplinary requirement. If the answer is more than one or two, there is no core curriculum worthy of the name."
That struck me as strange. I mean, why do they care? I'd much rather have the distribution requirements myself. I ALWAYS like choice. My thought was, well don't different approaches suit different students? I started to think the authors (not listed anywhere on the cover), might have some sort of agenda or slant.
I kept reading. There were questions about whether American history is a required class, because if not "it does reveal an administration lacking a commitment to foster in its students an understanding of our nation's past." Again, a bit here nor there. Maybe patriotic, but I think most people think American history is important.
Then I got to the section in this questions guide on "political atmosphere," which I thought was strange, to be included with much more typical, broader topics like Academics and Student Life. Here's where things got really wonky, and where I started to get pissed.
The first issue they bring up is, "Speech codes operating under the guise of sexual harassment codes." Now, let me tell you, I'm a pretty thorough person, there is a lot I want to know when looking into a school, but this is definitely NOT on the list! Never even ocurred to me. In the explanation of the issue, they talk about that in the 90s a lot of colleges instated "speech codes" to make sure people were politically correct. Then these codes were challenged, colleges lost court cases, so now may put these old speech codes into their sexual harassment policy, thus keeping the politically correct codes.
So, let's look at this a little bit. The FIRST issue in one of three major sections (political atmosphere) of inquiry into a college, is making sure it's okay to be politically incorrect? I mean, what the fuck? I just imagine prospective parents and teachers at an info session at a college, trying to make sure they can say "gaylord" and "bitch" or something, without getting in trouble. THAT's supposed to be a big concern?!
A sidenote here: I don't always agree with political correctness, because I think in a lot of cases, though it gives nicer phrases, a lot of times it shoves still-existing prejudices under the rug, and may not address those underlying prejudices. At the same time, it can give people a false sense that we are evolved and prejudice is taken care of, a thing of the past, and I don't believe that's true for a second. So, I think PC-ness can be a bandaid of sorts, but at least people are trying to be less hurtful, and aware of how words affect people. I think that is important. The fact that someone could think it's a major issue to make sure their kids don't have to be PC at college, is just completely absurd. What, they want to be sure it's okay for their kids to harass people, use racial slurs and commit hate crimes? I don't get it. And sorry, but I'd be a lot more concerned about what the actual policy is on sexual harassment (which if you ask me is a MUCH more serious issue than whether someone can open say faggot or something) and whether that is prevalent.
It got worse.
The next issue in this section was, "Ostracizing or punishing students for speakign their minds when they disagree with received acadmic opinion."
Now, in general, I'd agree that this is pretty important. I like to think for myself and think that, along with general critical thinking, are important skills students should develop in college. I think it's awesome when students learn to effectively communicate their viewpoint, even truly discover their viewpoint, watch it evolve, and assert themselves when necessary. So, on principle. I agree.
But then I read the explanation for thisi issue. Get a load of this: "Numerous examples exist of official harassment of students who voice dissenting opininions on matters ranging from the importance of feminist scholarship or the morality of affirmative action to questions of religious beliefs and sexual propriety. Beliefs associated with traditional virtues are sometimes ridiculed and even banned." Ehhhh, does that seem a little one-sided to anyone else? Again, it seems to me they want people to be free to speak their racist, sexist points of view. I guess college can be a pretty liberal place, and conservative students want to make sure they're not excluded, but I honestly think things at most schools are pretty moderate. When I went to school, there was a huge right-wing Christian influence, to the point where in one dorm, I felt ostracized for not being Christian - I got tricked into going to Campus Crusade for Christ open mic nights, had people at my door all the time, questions, confrontations. Anyway, my gripe with this whole part of the book is that it's so one-sided, there's no concern that students won't be ostracized for speaking their mind on the other side of these issues.
The next issue is about "literature courses that focus on topics other than great works of literature, such as...marginalized voices..."
Now that just outright pissed me off, because why do we always assume that the books by old, dead, white men are more important, and better, than those by women, blacks, asians, contemporary writers, and so on and so on and so on? Why should those old things have more literary value? I think that's bullshit. I went through and actually looked through the sections on some specific colleges and found even more of this kind of talk within discussions of particular schools. There were repetitious complaints about this and that school having classes on women writers, african-american lit, (referred to as "silly, grievance-inspired courses") and so on. There was one school I was reading about (and I wish I could remember the exact one so I could quote it here), and there was something about a tendency to focus on lower-quality minority literature and less on great works. Okay, author guy, your prejudice is really showing now.
For every school, there's a suggest core curriculum, because we all know now how horrible it is that schools don't have exact, choiceless core curricula anymore. A lot of them have things listed like, "No suitable course." The classes they do list usually include some greek philosophy, religion classes, and Bible as Literature/Bible as Scripture. Again, agenda showing, buddy! I think reading sacred texts is fine (honestly, I'd actually really like to take a Bible as Lit class, though I am not at all religious), but why ONLY the Bible? Why not the Koran? The Baghavad-Gita?
I guess even rigorous academics aren't great. Here's what they say about Princeton: "Academics at Princeton are quite rigorous. Talk to a student for ten minutes and he'll bore you with how many tests he has this week, how productive he was last night, and so forth." In other school descriptions, rigorous academics are applauded, so I sort of think this was just an attempt to make a dig at Princeton.
Another gem included this introduction to the part on NYU: "If going to a college nestled between gay bars and drug dealers bothers you, NYU is not your school." LOL!!! I mean, maybe it's true, the school IS in the Village, but really, that made me laugh. At another part in the NYU section, taking about its endowment and how other schools invested theirs in high-flying stocks in the 90s and NYU didn't, the book reads, "NYU followed a boring bond strategy..." Okay, like, what they did WORKED, and was successful, as the next sentence says, but they still have to put it down. THAT's what bothers me about this book, that everything is so slanted, that there are always qualifiers, opinions, derision, thrown in, instead of just the facts. Talk about Spin.
But here is my FAVORITE part. In that questions section in the back, there's a Student Life section, mostly full of questions about are bathrooms or dorm rooms coed, I found this question that people are supposed to ask prospective schools, "Is there any mandatory student orientation that exposes students to sexually explicit material or graphic explanations of sexual practices?" The explanation says that porn is "often shown" during orientation. WHAT?! I apparently missed out on the best part of orientation!!! Kidding, but seriously, I have NEVER heard of this. I think it's a scare tactic, another way to make students and parents think they're going to be marginalized for their so-called sexual propriety.
I mean, WHAT?!?!?! Were they at some frat party that they thought was orientation? Has ANYONE ever experienced this at mandatory orientation?! If on the off-chance this actually does happen somewhere, they can send me a list of these schools at...no, kidding again (sort of)! It's just toooooo absurd.
So, in conclusion, Choosing the Right (which I think they meant as opposed to left, instead of as opposed to wrong) College is totally wrong for me. I prefer much more straightforward information about schools, so I can make my own decisions. Luckily the other book they had at the library was The Insider's Guide to the Colleges, which is a lot more normal.
Currently Listening:
"The Grudge" - Tool
Well, there were only two college guides in the whole library and I checked them both out. One of them was Choosing the Right College. It was the 2006 edition, which has the word "Right" in red letters, which is apt.
I immediately flipped to the back of the book, expecting an index, so I could look up some of the schools I'm interested in. Instead of an index, there was a discussion of questions for students to ask while visiting colleges. At first it seemed inocuous - questions about what percent of classes are taught by TAs, and questions academic advising.
The next question struck me as a bit off. It was about asking whether there's a core curriculum - a list of courses that all students are required to take, or instead distribution requirements (meaning students must take, for example, two humanities classes, two social science classes, and so on, but are free to choose which classes within that area of study). In the explanation of the question, the book says, "Many colleges falsely state that they have a core curriculum when that is not at all the case. If [they say they do have a core curric], ask them how many choices exist within each disiplinary requirement. If the answer is more than one or two, there is no core curriculum worthy of the name."
That struck me as strange. I mean, why do they care? I'd much rather have the distribution requirements myself. I ALWAYS like choice. My thought was, well don't different approaches suit different students? I started to think the authors (not listed anywhere on the cover), might have some sort of agenda or slant.
I kept reading. There were questions about whether American history is a required class, because if not "it does reveal an administration lacking a commitment to foster in its students an understanding of our nation's past." Again, a bit here nor there. Maybe patriotic, but I think most people think American history is important.
Then I got to the section in this questions guide on "political atmosphere," which I thought was strange, to be included with much more typical, broader topics like Academics and Student Life. Here's where things got really wonky, and where I started to get pissed.
The first issue they bring up is, "Speech codes operating under the guise of sexual harassment codes." Now, let me tell you, I'm a pretty thorough person, there is a lot I want to know when looking into a school, but this is definitely NOT on the list! Never even ocurred to me. In the explanation of the issue, they talk about that in the 90s a lot of colleges instated "speech codes" to make sure people were politically correct. Then these codes were challenged, colleges lost court cases, so now may put these old speech codes into their sexual harassment policy, thus keeping the politically correct codes.
So, let's look at this a little bit. The FIRST issue in one of three major sections (political atmosphere) of inquiry into a college, is making sure it's okay to be politically incorrect? I mean, what the fuck? I just imagine prospective parents and teachers at an info session at a college, trying to make sure they can say "gaylord" and "bitch" or something, without getting in trouble. THAT's supposed to be a big concern?!
A sidenote here: I don't always agree with political correctness, because I think in a lot of cases, though it gives nicer phrases, a lot of times it shoves still-existing prejudices under the rug, and may not address those underlying prejudices. At the same time, it can give people a false sense that we are evolved and prejudice is taken care of, a thing of the past, and I don't believe that's true for a second. So, I think PC-ness can be a bandaid of sorts, but at least people are trying to be less hurtful, and aware of how words affect people. I think that is important. The fact that someone could think it's a major issue to make sure their kids don't have to be PC at college, is just completely absurd. What, they want to be sure it's okay for their kids to harass people, use racial slurs and commit hate crimes? I don't get it. And sorry, but I'd be a lot more concerned about what the actual policy is on sexual harassment (which if you ask me is a MUCH more serious issue than whether someone can open say faggot or something) and whether that is prevalent.
It got worse.
The next issue in this section was, "Ostracizing or punishing students for speakign their minds when they disagree with received acadmic opinion."
Now, in general, I'd agree that this is pretty important. I like to think for myself and think that, along with general critical thinking, are important skills students should develop in college. I think it's awesome when students learn to effectively communicate their viewpoint, even truly discover their viewpoint, watch it evolve, and assert themselves when necessary. So, on principle. I agree.
But then I read the explanation for thisi issue. Get a load of this: "Numerous examples exist of official harassment of students who voice dissenting opininions on matters ranging from the importance of feminist scholarship or the morality of affirmative action to questions of religious beliefs and sexual propriety. Beliefs associated with traditional virtues are sometimes ridiculed and even banned." Ehhhh, does that seem a little one-sided to anyone else? Again, it seems to me they want people to be free to speak their racist, sexist points of view. I guess college can be a pretty liberal place, and conservative students want to make sure they're not excluded, but I honestly think things at most schools are pretty moderate. When I went to school, there was a huge right-wing Christian influence, to the point where in one dorm, I felt ostracized for not being Christian - I got tricked into going to Campus Crusade for Christ open mic nights, had people at my door all the time, questions, confrontations. Anyway, my gripe with this whole part of the book is that it's so one-sided, there's no concern that students won't be ostracized for speaking their mind on the other side of these issues.
The next issue is about "literature courses that focus on topics other than great works of literature, such as...marginalized voices..."
Now that just outright pissed me off, because why do we always assume that the books by old, dead, white men are more important, and better, than those by women, blacks, asians, contemporary writers, and so on and so on and so on? Why should those old things have more literary value? I think that's bullshit. I went through and actually looked through the sections on some specific colleges and found even more of this kind of talk within discussions of particular schools. There were repetitious complaints about this and that school having classes on women writers, african-american lit, (referred to as "silly, grievance-inspired courses") and so on. There was one school I was reading about (and I wish I could remember the exact one so I could quote it here), and there was something about a tendency to focus on lower-quality minority literature and less on great works. Okay, author guy, your prejudice is really showing now.
For every school, there's a suggest core curriculum, because we all know now how horrible it is that schools don't have exact, choiceless core curricula anymore. A lot of them have things listed like, "No suitable course." The classes they do list usually include some greek philosophy, religion classes, and Bible as Literature/Bible as Scripture. Again, agenda showing, buddy! I think reading sacred texts is fine (honestly, I'd actually really like to take a Bible as Lit class, though I am not at all religious), but why ONLY the Bible? Why not the Koran? The Baghavad-Gita?
I guess even rigorous academics aren't great. Here's what they say about Princeton: "Academics at Princeton are quite rigorous. Talk to a student for ten minutes and he'll bore you with how many tests he has this week, how productive he was last night, and so forth." In other school descriptions, rigorous academics are applauded, so I sort of think this was just an attempt to make a dig at Princeton.
Another gem included this introduction to the part on NYU: "If going to a college nestled between gay bars and drug dealers bothers you, NYU is not your school." LOL!!! I mean, maybe it's true, the school IS in the Village, but really, that made me laugh. At another part in the NYU section, taking about its endowment and how other schools invested theirs in high-flying stocks in the 90s and NYU didn't, the book reads, "NYU followed a boring bond strategy..." Okay, like, what they did WORKED, and was successful, as the next sentence says, but they still have to put it down. THAT's what bothers me about this book, that everything is so slanted, that there are always qualifiers, opinions, derision, thrown in, instead of just the facts. Talk about Spin.
But here is my FAVORITE part. In that questions section in the back, there's a Student Life section, mostly full of questions about are bathrooms or dorm rooms coed, I found this question that people are supposed to ask prospective schools, "Is there any mandatory student orientation that exposes students to sexually explicit material or graphic explanations of sexual practices?" The explanation says that porn is "often shown" during orientation. WHAT?! I apparently missed out on the best part of orientation!!! Kidding, but seriously, I have NEVER heard of this. I think it's a scare tactic, another way to make students and parents think they're going to be marginalized for their so-called sexual propriety.
I mean, WHAT?!?!?! Were they at some frat party that they thought was orientation? Has ANYONE ever experienced this at mandatory orientation?! If on the off-chance this actually does happen somewhere, they can send me a list of these schools at...no, kidding again (sort of)! It's just toooooo absurd.
So, in conclusion, Choosing the Right (which I think they meant as opposed to left, instead of as opposed to wrong) College is totally wrong for me. I prefer much more straightforward information about schools, so I can make my own decisions. Luckily the other book they had at the library was The Insider's Guide to the Colleges, which is a lot more normal.
Currently Listening:
"The Grudge" - Tool
Saturday, September 1, 2007
I Can't Seem to Stop Stretching
This always happens.
It always seems that whenever I have an idea, a plan, something expansive, I put that in motion, and as soon as that's taken care of, more ideas for more expansive things come to mind. During the last semester that I attended college, instead of flying into Phoenix (I went to school in Flagstaff), I wanted to go to LA to spend time with my good friend Caren before going to school. In my house, it didn't matter that I was 21, I had to get this plan approved by my parents. The way I got any plan approved by my parents was to put it in writing.
It was one of those unspoken rules. I always felt I couldn 't talk to them, writing was safer. I could put all the information I had and all my persuasive points into an essay that they could digest. I didn't have to be worried about getting cut off by immediate rejection and anger. I didn't have to worry about getting short-circuited into expressing some strong emotion, something inherently outlawed in our house which would result in an immediate "NO." I discovered that I could use this writing tactic in ninth grade. I was taking a communications class which focused on public speaking, and one of our assignments was to write a persuasive speech. I always did better in that class when I wrote about something that mattered to me. Nothing mattered to me more than music, so I wrote a speech directed at my parents about why I should be allowed to watch MTV. This was 94, back when there was still a legitimate reason for the M in MTV. After doing the speech in class, I gave it to my parents to read, and they actually changed their policy!
In the years after, I used this approach whenever I wanted to do something that seemed far outside their realm of usual yes's. I wrote persuasive essays when I wanted to take trips, or mostly when I wanted to be allowed to go to a concert. Or when I wanted to drop out of college because I was unsure about my own path. Of course, there were times it didn't work. There was the time I wanted to visit schools far away (like in WA where I live now), and go to a party for an online forum I frequented. And there was the time I wanted soooo desperately badly, as if my life depended on it badly, to go to the Battle of the Bands at my high school, but had to go to some girl's birthday party instead. No amount of logic, reasoning, calm arguing, or anything not-so-calm approaches could change their minds on that one.
So asking to be able to go to LA to see my friend, who was actually from that same online forum - I now have a good group of real-life friends from that place - seemed pretty outlandish. So I gathered my information, stated my case in an essay, and to my utter surprise, they said it'd be okay.
Up until that point, all my energy went into preparing that essay and making my case. As soon as it was taken care of, I suddenly felt inspired to dream a little bigger, beyond just a visit to a faraway place. I started applying for internships all over, and that quest eventually led to some pretty wild travels, and eventually moving out west, which was a whole adventure in itself.
I'm reminded of this recently. It's not quite the same. My parents aren't much of a factor, but the same principle still stands. I just finished my application to UW, and now I find myself thinking all expansively, like well what about other schools, why limit myself to one? I could go anywhere. There are so many schools and programs out there. I really want something that offers a diverse array of writing classes - fiction, poetry, non-fiction, humor, screenwriting, personal essay, memoir, and so on and so on and so on. Oh, and somewhere in a city with connections and all that jazz, so I might be able to get internships or work experience with magazines, publishers, or even in teaching.
I'm sure this wishy-washy, deciding on one thing then immediately moving on to something bigger is probably infuriating to a lot of friends, and even oftentimes to me (I mean it's a lot of manic, excited energy, and sometimes I just wish I could settle and stick with one thing), but it sort of works for me. It's how I operate.
And so, the search continues. In the meantime, I'm still editing my book.
Currently Listening:
"Barons of Suburbia" - Tori Amos
It always seems that whenever I have an idea, a plan, something expansive, I put that in motion, and as soon as that's taken care of, more ideas for more expansive things come to mind. During the last semester that I attended college, instead of flying into Phoenix (I went to school in Flagstaff), I wanted to go to LA to spend time with my good friend Caren before going to school. In my house, it didn't matter that I was 21, I had to get this plan approved by my parents. The way I got any plan approved by my parents was to put it in writing.
It was one of those unspoken rules. I always felt I couldn 't talk to them, writing was safer. I could put all the information I had and all my persuasive points into an essay that they could digest. I didn't have to be worried about getting cut off by immediate rejection and anger. I didn't have to worry about getting short-circuited into expressing some strong emotion, something inherently outlawed in our house which would result in an immediate "NO." I discovered that I could use this writing tactic in ninth grade. I was taking a communications class which focused on public speaking, and one of our assignments was to write a persuasive speech. I always did better in that class when I wrote about something that mattered to me. Nothing mattered to me more than music, so I wrote a speech directed at my parents about why I should be allowed to watch MTV. This was 94, back when there was still a legitimate reason for the M in MTV. After doing the speech in class, I gave it to my parents to read, and they actually changed their policy!
In the years after, I used this approach whenever I wanted to do something that seemed far outside their realm of usual yes's. I wrote persuasive essays when I wanted to take trips, or mostly when I wanted to be allowed to go to a concert. Or when I wanted to drop out of college because I was unsure about my own path. Of course, there were times it didn't work. There was the time I wanted to visit schools far away (like in WA where I live now), and go to a party for an online forum I frequented. And there was the time I wanted soooo desperately badly, as if my life depended on it badly, to go to the Battle of the Bands at my high school, but had to go to some girl's birthday party instead. No amount of logic, reasoning, calm arguing, or anything not-so-calm approaches could change their minds on that one.
So asking to be able to go to LA to see my friend, who was actually from that same online forum - I now have a good group of real-life friends from that place - seemed pretty outlandish. So I gathered my information, stated my case in an essay, and to my utter surprise, they said it'd be okay.
Up until that point, all my energy went into preparing that essay and making my case. As soon as it was taken care of, I suddenly felt inspired to dream a little bigger, beyond just a visit to a faraway place. I started applying for internships all over, and that quest eventually led to some pretty wild travels, and eventually moving out west, which was a whole adventure in itself.
I'm reminded of this recently. It's not quite the same. My parents aren't much of a factor, but the same principle still stands. I just finished my application to UW, and now I find myself thinking all expansively, like well what about other schools, why limit myself to one? I could go anywhere. There are so many schools and programs out there. I really want something that offers a diverse array of writing classes - fiction, poetry, non-fiction, humor, screenwriting, personal essay, memoir, and so on and so on and so on. Oh, and somewhere in a city with connections and all that jazz, so I might be able to get internships or work experience with magazines, publishers, or even in teaching.
I'm sure this wishy-washy, deciding on one thing then immediately moving on to something bigger is probably infuriating to a lot of friends, and even oftentimes to me (I mean it's a lot of manic, excited energy, and sometimes I just wish I could settle and stick with one thing), but it sort of works for me. It's how I operate.
And so, the search continues. In the meantime, I'm still editing my book.
Currently Listening:
"Barons of Suburbia" - Tori Amos
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
