What the fuck is wrong with people?!

(Or, more simply, venting)

So, okay, awhile ago I signed up for this online dating site (OKCupid) kinda reluctantly at the suggestion of a friend. She had met some cool people on there so I kinda skeptically signed up and whatnot. After the first little bit where I got some really weirdo creepy interactions from some creepy dudes I pretty much stopped going, completely ignored the site and pretty much forgot about it. And then, sometime last week I got an email that some guy had msg'd me on there so I went and looked and he had a pretty cool profile. We seemed to be interested in a lot of the same things, he reads tarot, he likes Tori Amos which is a plus in my book, really seemed to be into good conversation, it was clear we were on the same page on a lot of topics, etc. So I was still feeling hesitant but I thought what the hell and wrote the guy back.

So he pretty much immediately gave me his number and asked to talk on the phone. I thought it was a bit odd only b/c we had barely communicated AT ALL. I'm new to dating sites but not to online interactions obviously (lots of time on a forum) and no one in all my experience has ever wanted to talk on the phone so immediately, not even the weird creepy dudes from OKC! And I wasn't really comfortable with it. I definitely, definitely can get a sense of people through writing, so I told the guy I'd like to chat on the site a time or two first. I wanted to get a basic sense of the guy. I do not think that's unreasonable.

Apparently he did. He wrote back that I needed to conquer my fear, he said something like, "identify the cause and fix it." That is total paraphrasing but you get the gist and then he said he'd call me today. It pissed me off. It made me feel like he wasn't listening at all, but I have also found that sometimes when I'm doing things like setting boundaries with people, I'm not as clear as I think I'm being, so I restated how I felt, and did it stronger, without being a jackass or aggressive, but firmly stating it. So anyway I had also told the guy I wasn't going to be around all weekend/yesterday because I had a huge exam last night I had to study for.

So I woke up this morning to this msg from him. He went off on this whole thing saying I don't know how to manage risk in interpersonal relationships and all this stuff about how he needs to see people in person ASAP and implying there's something wrong with me for not wanting that. I thought it was pretty rude. And he still said he is calling.

So my reaction is WTF?!?! I gave him a piece of my mind in return. I mean, really wtf??? I am so fucking pissed. Way to totally not respect my needs or boundaries, you know? The guy is acting like it would have killed him to not talk on the phone ASAP, to chat with me once or twice, and the fact that he twice said he's going to call me anyway when I've clearly said that I don't want him to?! WTF is wrong with people? I told him if he's this unwilling to do a simple thing or respect my boundaries, I have no time for that shit. I didn't say it quite like that, I wasn't rude or anything, but you know what, I was in a terrible situation a few years ago living w/someone and constantly catering to his needs and ignoring my own and maybe that situation did actually make me stronger, b/c I'll tell you, I'm not putting up with this shit.

I don't know if I'm overreacting. I am really fucking pissed. I am also super irritable lately for health-related reasons and so that's not helping matters, but I really, really don't think I was being unreasonable in this situation. I guess a part of me is worried that maybe I am, that maybe he's right about my inability to manage risk in interpersonal relationships or something. That part of me that always feels guilty for asking for ANYTHING for myself is activated, and the part of me that is lonely thinks that I shouldn't turn guys down b/c it's not exactly I get asked out and so maybe I should just go along with it.

But I also don't want people in my life who are going to be judgy like that and who can't take the time or energy to do a simple thing to respect my needs. I do a LOT for other people, you know? And I think it says a lot that he won't do a simple thing for me. It's hard to not feel like I am asking too much b/c I always feel like I am when I ask for anything, but fuck. I'm proud of myself for holding my ground, for not just going along w/what he wanted, and for expressing it in a way that was strong but not assy and at the same time it is a little uncomfortable b/c I'm not so used to this.

The thing is though, a few months ago, I had another dating encounter, in real life, that did not go so well either. I don't want to say much b/c there is one person on my facebook that may know the guy, but it didn't go well, in my opinion. Again the guy was really pushy and totally didn't listen to me. He'd probably be fine as a casual friend but I ended up really not having any interest in dating him or spending too much time w/him. He told me once that I have really clear boundaries, which was, for sure, the first time anyone EVER said that about me, lol. I am usually more on the doormat side of things, but trying hard to change that.

But god it makes me feel like such a BITCH. And it's not a comfortable feeling. It makes me feel a little crappy about myself, like I "do not play well with others," as the saying goes. I'm sooo used to being accommodating and doing what everyone else wants that it's really kind of difficult to be doing something different. It feels awkward and unfamiliar and does make me feel like a raving bitch. I think I feel like a raving bitch even when I'm just barely, barely, being assertive but still I feel it. Ugh, I guess it's just something to get used to. I am almost thirty, I can't be letting people walk all over me. I just can't. And if that makes me a bitch and means I don't play well with others and makes me "uncoupleable" to steal a word that a friend used recently, so be it, right? Still, it is just not so comfortable being in such unfamiliar territory.


Currently listening:
"Nothing to Say" - Soundgarden

Nothing, nothing, nothing but the one thing

Someone said my words are out of balance
Nothing to say, you've got nothing to say
Dying words, I bury everyday
Nothing to say, I've got nothing to say
Nothing but the one thing

You've got nothing, nothing to say

Nothing but the one thing

Big bad word, spell it with four letters
Nothing to say, you've got nothing to say
Oh my god, your words are out of balance
Nothing to say, you've got nothing to say
Nothing but the one thing
Nothing, nothing

You've got nothing, nothing to say

Nothing but the one thing

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing