Gearing up for Winter 2010

Classes start on Monday! In one sense it feels like I've been on break forever, and in another it feels like it's all starting up again so soon.

My main class will be the continuation of the biology class I took last quarter. This time though, the focus will be on evolution for the first half of the term and plant form and function for the second half of the term. I'm excited for both, though I read somewhere that in the evolution section the students have to memorize phylogenetic trees (basically these charts with branches showing how closely or distantly different species are related based on their rRNA sequences) and that sounds a bit tedious. Still, I'm sure it will be interesting. And I'm psyched for plants, even though last quarter I felt like the chapter on photosynthesis was the one I had the hardest time really committing to memory and understanding. I just think it'll be really fascinating to learn more about how plants, trees, flowers, etc. work. The class will be split between a professor I never had before for the first half, and my professor from last quarter for the second half.

And lab should be really interesting too. I heard from a study partner who took this class last year that the labs are a lot more fun for this quarter of the yearlong class. And I heard from my prof. from last quarter that they are trying some new labs and that sounds like it'll be exciting and fun. I will have my lab assistant again this coming quarter, and a different TA. I'm glad I have it during the week this time around, instead of Saturday afternoons, b/c it meant I could never take off for the weekend or anything, but I did get used to it, and hope I'll get used to having my Wednesday afternoons spent in lab instead.

For anyone who read this post about a course sign-up dilemma that led me to consider taking a singing class, I signed up for it! So I will be taking voice right after Bio lets out, and must say that I'm really looking forward to it. I have wanted to do this for soooo long, and always had trouble finding a way to make it happen, so I am going to soak it up!

At that point I was at 7 credits, and I have to stay at 8 (or under, but not above), so I had one more spot left for a one-credit class, and I decided to take another leap into something I've been wanting to do for awhile - I signed up for a self-defense class. I actually had to go out and find some workout clothes because the only thing I had was from when I was much smaller and definitely no longer fit. It's definitely the class I'm most nervous about. Traditionally, gym classes have been pretty hard for me visually. The human body is an intricate thing and it's just hard for me to see the exact movements that the teacher is modeling, and I'm not too well coordinated or adept at phys ed stuff. It's just not my forte. In fact sometimes in the past taking this kind of class has been downright traumatic and just incredibly difficult and painful.

So I am nervous about it, and trying not to indulge an urge to opt out before I even experience the first class. I'm trying to remind myself that I have taken yoga classes on Orcas, and did gymnastics as a kid and dance lessons in India, so, there is hope. And I've contacted the instructor ahead of time, hoping to find a time to meet and just touch base about my disability. I think it will be a good class, and definitely an important skill to have. I mean I'm a visually-impaired girl walking around downtown in a city by myself a lot. And I like to feel free to do whatever I want, and sometimes that includes going to visit people or places that aren't so close to me and drinking and then coming home on the bus and walking late at night. I mean, I do this anyway, but I would like to feel like I have some skills to protect myself if I ever encounter a scary situation. Especially since I am no longer so into the idea of getting a guide dog.

All in all, I'm looking forward to the new quarter.

Currently Reading:
Day Breaks Over Dharamsala - Janet Thomas - will definitely have more to say about this book as I go along, and as its author begins marketing. It will soon be widely available but for now I think is only at Griffin Bay Books in Friday Harbor, WA, or available directly from the author. So I am going to wait to say more until I can help promote it, because this is a total brilliant masterpiece of real human life.

The Real Grey's Anatomy - Andrew Holtz - I don't know how I happened upon this book, but I guess that is the magic of Powell's Books. This book also isn't out yet, the copyright says 2010 and what I have is a copy that says "Uncorrected Proofs for Limited Distribution/NOT FOR SALE," yet I found it for sale at a discounted price. In the book, the author, a medical journalist, follows the real lives of surgical interns, and has millions of references to lines and scenes from the show, which just tickles me. The coolest part is the surgical interns and residents he follows are here in Portland at OHSU, so it has a local flavor (also cool since Grey's takes place in Seattle, so both have the Pacific Northwest in common). The book doesn't even have a real cover, just a yellow dummy cover. I think it's cool. And it is true that it's uncorrected, I've found errors and I've only read the first few pages so far. This author also wrote a book called The Medical Science Behind House, M.D. but (maybe surprisingly) I haven't read that yet.


Currently Listening:
"Life is Short" - Butterfly Boucher - love this song, from the Pilot episode of Grey's.

When it doesn't rain, it snows
Yeah the cookie crumbles, but in whose hands?
All things said and all things done
Life is short

Oh I am young but I have aged
Waited long to seize the day
All things said and plenty done
Life's too short

Oh, oh, could this be
Oh, oh, Could this be
The day I've waited for?

Another door to peak in through
The floor is filthy but the couch is clean
At the end of the day, it's another day gone
Life is short
Oooh, life is short

Oh, oh, could this be
Oh, oh, could this be
The day I've waited for?

Oh I am young but I have aged
Waited long to seize the day
All things said and plenty done
Oh I am young but I have a past
Travelled far to find the start
Yes I am scared and I've been burnt
But life is short

Oh, oh could this be
Oh, oh could this be
The day I've waited for?

Killing Time Waiting for my Final

And my brain is full, I don't think there is any point in trying to stuff in any more details about biology. Anyway we had a practice final and I got 78 out of 80, so I'm probably fine, I hope.

So, today is the last day of my first term. Overall, it's been really good. Really loving the biology class, and my lab group started studying together. That's been great! We're all contributing, splitting up tasks like writing up vocabulary, going through practice tests, teaching each other things the others don't get so well. I know it has been a huge benefit on both ends. It's great to have people to clarify things you don't quite get, and it's also very helpful to teach something to someone else. I feel like my knowledge of how to solve genetics problems really solidified when I wrote it out to show another girl in my group. And studying with these guys is fun! Our ages range from 22 to 39 and a lot of times we take our study sessions to the bar, or go grab a beer before class or after a test. It's been really fun, and it's kinda cool to have people to talk with about this stuff b/c most people I know aren't really into biology.

Apparently our study group is pretty effective, we kind of have a study group stalker (this guy who really, really wants to be in our study group next term, which is fine as long as there is some contribution).

It's been a LOT of information though! In these 9 weeks we covered the very basics of evolution, basic biological chemistry (mostly involving carbon and water), proteins, DNA & RNA, lipids, the cell and alllll its components, cell communication and signaling, aerobic respiration, photosynthesis, cell division, cell division in gametes, genetics, DNA replication, how genes work, transcription and translation, gene expression in bacteria, gene expression in eukaryotes, genetic engineering, genomics, bacteria, and viruses.

It's like holy shit that's a lot of material! And a lot of it is pretty detailed. I am enjoying the challenge, and learning a LOT. One of the things I love is that our book is very well illustrated. The artist who drew them has a Ph.D in biology and really tried to draw things as they really look. I am learning that I am a very visual learner. Whenever we're going over something in study group, I'm always, "Oh yeah, it's that picture with the purple enzyme..." The enzymes are definitely the coolest looking things in the book. My favorites so far are phophofructokinase (plus that name is so cool), the spliceosome and the basil transcription complex. A lot of the enzymes look like these blobby monsters. They're kind of adorable (or "cute" as I'm told is the "in" word here in Portland).

One of my favorite things is called dideoxy sequencing, which is just a really, really cool and innovative way to determine the sequences of smaller stretches of DNA. The guy who thought that up, Sanger, just had to be soooo fucking brilliant to put that together and that sort of genius just kind of turns me on, lol. I am hot for dideoxy sequencing (although actually doing it now is not quite as cool as the original way, and probably really doing that kind of sequencing would be tedious and boring, I just think the invention is sooooo cool).

It's also really interesting to have a working knowledge of what genetic engineering is and how it's done. I'm sure what is in our book is very cursory, but still I know a lot more now, about things and concepts that are sort of tossed about a lot and how they are done. Our book brings up some ethical concerns about it, but what I thought was cool was that our prof really went into a lot more of that, including things I had never thought about and lots of things I had. In fact there is a class next term called Genes and Society which is all about the ethics of genetic stuff, by this woman who's gone all over the world studying the effects of genetic engineering. I really wish I could take it but I am half time so I can't or it will put me over my financial aid bracket which would be no good at all. I might see if it's going to be offered again next year, and if not maybe I will see if I can sit in. Gotta say, a lot of this stuff is soooo fascinating! In our study group, I was the one who wrote up the genetic engineering chapter so feel very familiar with it (I also had the sex/cell division in gametes chapter, lol).

All right, well just stopping by b/c it's been awhile. I think I am actually going to go review viruses one more time, eat some dinner and then head over to the classroom. Almost wish the test was earlier in the day, feeling pretty antsy just sitting here killing time.


Currently listening:
"500 Miles" - Tori Amos - really getting into this album (abnormally attracted to sin, and must say I love that title), and this is probably my favorite so far. I'm just digging it, loving the lyrics, singing it all the time. I am definitely on yet another Tori kick.

He walked 300 miles
just to bring, to bring me bread
His body like a sculpture
almost decorated

And I’ll wake him as the dawn does
and we’re breaking on the bus
saying this was made for us
and now

In lovers communion for 500 miles
and in 500 miles
will he break, bring me again
In lovers communion for 500 miles
and in 500 miles
will we break even break

step it up
grab your phone, get your suitcase
there’s no time to waste
a big adventure awaits

Sad news
France suffered a late snow
The blooms break through the ice
And San Francisco,
Her guitar man finally confessed
He loved that actress
With hearts touched by frost
We fought in the land of a midnight sun
I lost myself
I lost myself

I walked 300 miles
just to bring, to bring him bread
In love some gifts are simple
Others I underrated

So I wake him as the dawn does
and we’ll face what any lovers must
blueness pales within a flame’s lust

In lovers communion for 500 miles
and in 500 miles
will he break, bring me again
In lovers communion for 500 miles
and in 500 miles
will he break, even break
will we break, even break
Break, even break
Don’t slide, don’t weep
my life even
break

Okay, this is NUTS - right as I was about to hit post, the power in my building went out. I had to forgo the rereading of notes and get ready in complete darkness! The hardest part was finding my glasses in the dark, lol, and then I also had to find my scantron form. On my way out my apt manager told me I shouldn't leave (our door has this electrical key thing to open) b/c she was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back in, but I was like sorry lady gotta take my exam. So I did, and it went well. It was pretty straightforward. No real hard thinking/puzzling through questions like usual. Just straight up do you know your shit. Hopefully I did.

Class Sign-Up Predicament (A Blessing in Disguise?)

So I have a bit of a predicament for signing up for classes.

I have to take between 6-8 credit hours each term this year. If I take less than six, I don't get financial aid. If I take more than eight, then it's more than half-time, and I simply can't afford it even with the financial aid. Also if I take eight or less all year, then next year I can be considered an Oregon resident for the rest of my schooling, which will make all the difference in the world. I will seriously be paying less going full-time next year as a state resident, than I am this year at half-time. By a pretty significant amount!

So pretty straightforward, right? 6-8 credits shouldn't be too hard to manage. Most classes are 4, so it should be easy.

Except that the Biology class I'm taking is a 5-credit class b/c it includes the lab. So that alone is not enough, and if I add any regular class, that puts me at 9 and I'm over my limit. So what it basically means I have to do is take some more unusual classes.

This quarter it was fine, there was an easy 1-credit class to add, kind of a career exploration class for science people. We see presentations every week, and have to turn in assignments answering questions based on the presentation and have a final essay to write at the end. It's just pass/fail, no real grade, but I am loving the class, and the assignments are pretty easy, just some self-reflection basically.

It's funny, I took a similar class in the physics department when I was in school before, and it was a lot easier, there were no assignments, no final essay, all you really had to do was show up. And at that time, it really turned me off to physics, because other than teaching, all the careers we heard about were related to defense. And anyone who knows me knows that there is absolutely no way I would EVER do that. So that class was a real bummer even though it was a lot less work. I'm glad I'm liking my current class a lot better!

But the point is, there are no classes like that next term. There are still some cool options, though they took some digging in the class schedule to find. There's a handful of PE classes I might be interested in - self-defense, swimming, yoga, belly dancing - as well as some potential music classes - voice, piano, guitar - aimed for beginners who are not music majors, like myself. I am really thinking about signing up for voice for next term.

I have wanted voice lessons my whole life so bad. As a kid, anytime I asked, my mom said I didn't have enough natural talent, which just crushed me every time. I remember the summer before my junior year of high school, I was writing a lot of poems and songs, and I kind of strategized all summer, preparing my case to ask again. There was a program for music lessons for visually-impaired people that made lessons super affordable, and I could cover the rest out of allowance. I thought that might help my case. And then after the second day back in school I finally worked up the courage to ask again, and got the same response. It was the perfect start to probably the worst year with some of my darkest days. I never asked again, and though I always thought about signing up for something like that in college, I never had the guts b/c I knew what kind of response I would get from my family. It's like, how many times are you going to let someone punch you in the face? So I never went near that topic again. As an adult I could never really afford it, though I never really stopped thinking about it, through the years. When I was in India, there were a few times where it really came to me how much I wanted to be musical, and how I've sort of given up, and how I don't want to give up b/c it means too much to me. I promised myself I would look into it upon my return to the US.

So now, the opportunity is there, it would be part of my tuition, and it fits my schedule (could go to that right after bio class) and the prof gets good reviews. It's a little scary b/c it's been so emotionally loaded a topic for me, and I've felt a lot of hurt around the topic. I think if I take a class like that, it's going to stir some stuff, shake me up some. Maybe that's a good thing. It feels like it could open up a can of worms of feelings that have been kinda stuck and lodged inside. Maybe the possibility of not shaking stuff up is a lot worse. I think when you grow up in a situation that feels oppressive and gives you certain beliefs about yourself, it is all too easy as you get older, to take over the oppression yourself and keep holding onto those beliefs. I don't want to live like that. I know I don't have any kind of stunning voice, but still I think I am okay, and if I take the class, it can only get better, right? I love to sing and I want to do it better, better express myself through music.

So I think I'm going to sign up for the class for winter quarter. It scares me, a lot, but sometimes those are the things that are really worth doing. And then in spring I might take the piano class. Sometimes, even (or especially) in school, you just have to follow your heart.

I never would have found this class if I wasn't in the predicament of needing to dig to find classes that are 1-3 credits, so even though at first I was like fuck, how am I going to stay within my credit range, I think it definitely turned out to be a blessing in disguise!


Currently Listening:
"The Good Left Undone" - Rise Against (who I saw at Lolla). Okay I must say that I completely misunderstood the chorus of this song the first time I heard it. I thought he was saying, "All because of you/I haven't slept in so long/When I do I dream/Of running in the ocean/reaching for the shore/Where I can let my hair down/I forgot your voice..." Not so terribly terribly off, but, definitely different.

In fields where nothing grew but weeds,
I found a flower at my feet,
bending there in my direction.
I wrapped a hand around its stem
and pulled until the roots gave in,
finding there what I've been missing.
And I know....

So I tell myself, I tell myself, it's wrong.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is
shout it out!

Inside my hands these petals browned;
dried up falling to the ground,
but it was already too late now.
I pushed my fingers through the earth,
returned this flower to the dirt;
so it could live, I walked away now.
But I know...

Not a day goes by when I don't feel this burn.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is
shout it out!

All because of you.
All because of you.

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
Inside these arms of yours.

All because of you
I believe in angels.
Not the kind with wings,
no, not the kind with halos;
the kind that bring you home
when home becomes a strange place.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is
shout it out!

Survived My First Exam

I had my first exam today. I was nervous, but I had studied hard for it. It went really well! If anything I was overprepared. I really took the time to make sure I understood everything. There were a few things I was struggling with and I looked them up online or later in my textbook b/c I didn't want to get tripped up.

The exam covered a lot of material, especially the last chapter of the book that was on the test, which was an overview of all the parts of the cell, and was by far the longest chapter we'd covered, and was really dense, chock full of parts and processes and terms and tons of information that was different than the previous material (we basically went from some basic biochemistry stuff, building blocks, lots and lots of chemistry, to cell biology and there were just so many processes to understand).

And really, when I sat down to take it, it was easy. I didn't have to know half of what I had roaming in my brain from the material. I could have gotten away with studying a lot less, but hey, now I really understand some shit that will probably come back later on, so it's all good.

There were a few questions that were a bit tricky, maybe three out of the fifty, that I'm not totally sure I got right, but overall it was a lot easier than I expected.

I have to say I am feeling pretty good. I am not in the concurrent chemistry class that most people are taking, b/c I can't afford to, and even so they are thinking of making the chemistry class a prerequisite for our class, so I was worried about not having that background, but hey, I'm doing fine.

And best of all, I'm enjoying it! I really enjoy the prof. She gives sooo many relatable examples. I always used to think of myself as a physics person when it came to science, and it's like, oh shit, this is way more interesting and feels more, just relatable I guess, more earthly. I am loving it. My prof is funny and always throws jokes in and the only downside is she talks really fast so it can be hard to catch things, but all the notes are on blackboard, so it works out. Today's lecture (after the exame was over) involved erections, LOL. And viagra! But that is exactly what I mean, it's easy to pay attention and stay engaged in the class when you use examples like that. She mentioned tonight that she will be teaching the winter term of the class (up until now, it seemed to be up in the air), so I'm psyched to be able to continue with her as my prof.

I do sometimes wish class wasn't so huge. We have almost 300 people (a lot more of them were there today, since it was test day), so it is a bit hard to get to know people, except the ones in my lab group. I mean the class is just huge. I am taking another one-credit class (needed that to get financial aid) and that ended up being really huge too.

Gotta say, it is so nice to be in school as an adult. I am thrilled to be at PSU, b/c there are tons of other adult students, I am nowhere near oldest in my class, and that is nice. It makes me glad I made the decision for this school. And as I've said before, there are other disabled students (a few others in my class even). It's just nice to feel like I'm not outside of the student body. It also helps that my class is a night class. But yeah, it's great to be in such a different situation as last time I was in school. It's nice that I can come home to my studio apartment, that there isn't the whole feel of college being a big extension of high school with all its social bullshit. It just has a totally different feel to it this time around.

Last weekend in lab (yes I have a lab on the weekend, Saturday afternoon actually), we looked at e. coli and baker's yeast and some other things under the microscope, looked at some pond creatures and fossils as well. It kinda freaked me out, I've had bad experiences with lab classes before, and always kind of dread the microscope because of it, but it went well. I have my lab assistant now, which is a help, but I also did a lot of it myself. She's there to help if I need it, show me things that the TA is demonstrating in the front of the class, stuff like that. And she gets paid by the school. It is a pretty cool system.

Anyway I'm off for a good night's rest so that I can get up and do homework for my one-credit class and my lab, and make sure I don't fall behind on reading for the next test.

Life is good.

Student Life

Some general observations:

Things have changed A LOT since the last time I was in school, which was only seven years ago! I had to learn how to use Blackboard (online class program thing) for all my classes. It has its own separate email for each class, as well as discussion boards, review material, lecture notes, posted grades and assignments (some of which are completed solely via the web). Also, for my first lab class we had to make charts and graphs on Excel, which I've never used (luckily one of my lab partners is proficient).

It's not only the technology, but the material. Back when I was in high school, we had to memorize these classification groups for biology, you know, Kingdom, Phyllum, Order...all the way to Species. It turns out that is a bit outdated. Now they are mapping species similarity using genetics and it turns out that fungi are more similar in genetic makeup to humans and animals than they are to plants or algae. The mapping ends up looking like a tree-ish sort of thing.

I am really, really glad I chose school over the Denver Center. My mind feels engaged for the first time in ages, in real challenging material. I haven't taken bio or chem (and there is a lot of chemistry involved in this first term of bio) since I was in my first two years of high school. I remember parts of it from back then, which helps (and chem hasn't changed), so it's stirring up old knowledge but really expanding it. And we are covering material FAST. This is the start of my third week, and we're already on chapter seven of a huge book, and having our first exam next week. So it's been a lot of material, and challenging material, but I feel like I am keeping up.

And! I have learned some cool things:
My friend loves this one: In the human liver there are two enzymes that break down alcohol, one that does it fast and one that takes more time. Some people don't have the faster one, so their bodies have a harder time handling drinking, and the person gets super flushed (and pretty drunk) like immediately and just in general can't handle much of anything to drink. So if you are ever in need of an excuse to not drink and feeling peer pressure, you can blame it on your enzymes (or lack thereof).

Red blood cells look like donuts with a dimple instead of a hole.

I don't know if other things I've learned will interest anyone (and are a bit complex), but I've also learned about how snake venom works, how detergent (as in laundry soap) works, the basic gist of what causes mad cow disease, and lots of other fun things. Now when I get out of the shower, I think about Hydrogen bonds (water adheres to the body via H bonds, hair is more malleable and less stiff, also due to H bonds). I have to say, it's early, only had five lecture classes so far, but I am loving it. And I really like my prof. She brings in these really practical examples of the processes we're learning about and she takes time to answer questions in class and discuss things, while still moving through the material quickly.

And I feel like I'm keeping up. I'm staying on top of the reading (which is a LOT), getting practice questions right at the ends of chapters, getting questions in class right (it's a huge lecture, almost 300 students, and so we have multiple choice questions in class and we have to hold up our answers, it's not for grading, more for us to check ourselves and how well we're following). The upcoming exam feels intimidating, but I think I'll do well. I'm expecting a lot out of myself, hopefully not unrealistically. I definitely expect straight A's.

Lab is a bit more challenging, mostly for me visually but I should be getting an assistant soon. The first week we played with plant pigments from red cabbage (which luckily had already been distilled and all, so there was no smell), and this past week we extracted our DNA and put it through the same process as you would to do a PCR test (which is what is used for crime scene investigation, paternity testing, testing for genetic conditions, etc) and also got to really visualize and play with the rules of protein folding by playing with big foam noodles!

I am only taking six credits - that was the perfect balance where I could still get financial aid and enroll, and have enough aid/student loans left over to cover living expenses in case it takes me a bit to find a job (apparently the job market here in Portland really blows) - but it certainly feels like a full load of classes. There is a lot of reading for lab which is separate from the reading for lecture and we have quizzes every week (pretty sure I aced the first one, if anything I was overprepared). And then I have a one-credit class on Fridays that requires a lot of thoughtful, written responses, even though it's only one-credit and is pass/fail only.

So yeah, school is great!

For my Orcas peeps - hate to say this but I'm not coming up for Women's Wellness Weekend. I have my one-credit class on Fri, my lab on Sat, and assignments due for both that weekend, and my second exam is the day after the weekend ends, soooo not this time. Hopefully my schedule will be different next term and I can make it for the Spring one and read the shit out of some tarot cards for all the ladies! This time around though, school's gotta come first. It looks different, being older, and paying for school myself, and I feel committed to making it my first priority.

Anyway that's the quick update about classes. Still loving my place and my location, so happy I chose PSU as my school, and really scored on apartment location. My friend Holly is visiting, which has been really nice to have a friend around. We've done some shopping and arranging for my new studio apartment and exploring some of the local places to eat and areas of Portland. It's been fun and after she leaves tomorrow I will have to buckle down for some hard core studying for next week's exam.

Going to a few more upcoming shows too - Ani DiFranco, who I've always wanted to see, and the week after that, Joshua Radin, who I've posted here before. I can't decide if he's a real genuine songwriter, or kind of a tool, LOL, but maybe the live show will help me figure that out. Can't believe I'm actually going to see someone live who I discovered via Grey's Anatomy. What is this world coming to??

The Big Move

So, the last week or two was like a whirlwind, but I am here, live, writing to you from my campus computer lab. Should get internet hooked up at home tomorrow.

Speaking of home, I moved into my new apartment on Saturday and it is cool. It is small, definitely smaller than my apartment on Orcas (and way more expensive), but it will totally work. I am on the top floor, which means it's pretty warm, but I can leave my windows open without worry, and there's a fan, and I never have to hear anyone else's noise, just inflict mine on others, lol.

The kitchen is a closet literally, it folds out and there is a lot of shelf room, and the fridge is a mini and the oven looks like it was built for a midget, but I'm going to make it work for me. I am such a natural nester that I've already set it up and organized things. I have TONS of closet space. As one of the people who helpmed move me in siad, I have more closets in my apartment than he does in his house! So that is helping with organization and all that. And one of the closets has a full length mirror on the door! That is cool.

Aside from that, it's a cool place. The building is pretty old, the elevator is literally the same kind they have in India - very old, which made moving in kinda interesting. It is nice to have a new home though, and to not have to worry about sharing with a stranger. I am loving setting it up and have almost everything unpacked already. My friend HOlly is visiting in a few days and she will help me decorate and set up more. I have to say, I am really, really psyched about my place.

Also the location is AWESOME. I am so close to campus that my building is within the campus map. It's two blocks from where I will have my lab class. I'm within walking distance of Powell's bookstore, about a block from the main Portland library, close to the farmer's market (which is actually on campus) and feel really centrally located. It is definitely downtown living, very different from Orcas life. The noise outside never stops, but I can sleep through anything, so it's cool. The best part is that even though I am down town I actually have a great tree-filled view! That just makes my heart happy.

I am very thankful to everyone who helped me move - to Heather for arranging it, Joe for driving and getting helpers, Heather, Rob, Eli, Ezekiel and Trish for helping load the car, Trish for getting the rest of stuff out of my storage, Joe for getting help unloading, Kelly for letting me crash in her basement again for the few nights after I arrived and before I could move in, Joe, Harry, Tracy and David for helping move all the stuff in on the rustic elevator. I could not have done it alone.

In other news, classes start today. I will have my first class in a few hours. I'm excited and intimidated by it all, but in the last few days I have gotten so much done, aside from moving. I went to several new student seminars, navigated around campus, registered and got set up with the Disabily Resource Center, got my bus pass and student ID, paid tuition with student loans, bought my textbook (which if I haven't said already, is 1300 pages! The study guide alone is over 400), set up my student online account. It feels like the opposite of last time I was here, where for the first few days I was overwhelmed and freaked out, having that off-island culture shock. I felt none of that this time. I woke up the first morning I was here and got myself on a bus to school to go attend a seminar of great personal academic interest. I just felt like I was rockin' it. I guess I was very ready to leave Orcas.

Somehow in the middle of that I also managed to see David Cross and Pearl Jam. Know what else I have seen? A lot of blind and disabled people. It's awesome. I swear I have hardly ridden the bus without that experience. And the other day I was walking from campus to a bus stop and was walking behind this guy and I suddenly saw he was walking with a cane, as in the blind long white cane. And on the bus the other day I met someone else with albinism. I also saw a girl today in the Disability Resource Center who is taking Anatomy & Physiology, which was very inspiring to see. I need to believe that I can do science stuff despite my eyesight, b/c I get scared and have doubts sometimes.

There is a lot of diversity here in general - people speaking other languages, from all kinds of cultures, and I'm psyched by the wide array of student clubs. There are so many that just reflect a hugely diverse student body. There is even an Atheists and Agnostics Forum! Right on!

Well I am off to go find my way to my classes so I don't get lost later and get to class late. Just wanted to give everyone the update! Will update my contact info on Facebook in a minute.

Yes, this is my Final Answer

for the million dollar question in the game of What the Fuck Am I Doing with My Life?

Anyone who's been following my blog this summer knows that I've had some back and forth thoughts about whether to start school in the fall or to attend a training center for the visually-impaired in Denver. But what you don't know unless you're one of the unfortunate people to have spent a lot of time with me in recent months is how intense and unending this indecision has been. I thought for sure I would go to school no matter what. Then I was unsure. Then I was certain about the center. Then indecision. Then school. Then the center. Then back and forth again and again, ad nauseam. And each time, I was SURE that I had come to a final decision.

And I mean really, I feel sorry for those who have been around me most. I was telling my friend Holly she should shoot me (she declined of course but I think she secretly wanted to, she's heard every nuance of every rethinking of the decision process and all my worries and calculations and meanderings). I can't overstate how freaking crazy I drove myself and those around me. I feel bad that every time my friend Willa from India called me this summer, it was always when I was reconsidering and in indecision, and every time we talked I was like, "My head just hurts, I want this all to stop!" And I feel bad for my friend Kelly, who got revised emails of my plans every week or so. But for all my friends who I drove crazy, I guarantee I drove myself CRAZIER!

There have literally been times I've avoided going places on Orcas b/c I didn't want to deal with people asking me how my plans had changed and I got tired of explaining myself and going back and forth. I can't remember ever feeling quite so mentally exhausted. And I'm happy to say (and how truly do I hope I'm really for real this time). I have finally come to a real decision that I don't think I will go back on.

I am going to school!

A few major factors affected this decision. First was a DVD I watched the weekend before last about the Colorado Center - it turned me off. There wasn't a single thing about the science training (which would be the main reason that I would be going), and as part of the program students have to wear sleepshades (aka blindfolds) so that they learn to rely on other senses to learn the skills, which makes sense but also bothers me some (also it was one thing to know about it, but seeing it in the video was pretty unsettling). That and a lot of the skills taught don't really apply to me. I mean, yes my vision sucks, but it's also stable. My condition is not degenerative at all, and so my eyesight is not likely to change much, and so I will probably never need to know how to do things like put together an outfit by identifying my clothes with braille, b/c I can see my clothes, see the colors and all that. Watching the DVD really made it clear that this and other similar things are a huge part of the program. So all in all it felt like, the more I learned about the center, the more it felt like I would go through a lot of training I don't really need, just to get some science skills and I began to doubt if the investment of time and energy would be worth the payoff, especially as I've been anxious to go back to school and have been trying to make that work out for the last few years now and feel reluctant to put it off.

There were a lot of other little things in the DVD that also bugged. Individually, they're nothing, but taken together, there was an effect. One of them is that there's an NFB (National Federation of the Blind) philosophy class that students have to take, so that they will "fully believe in the NFB's philosophy of blindness." Okay, that sounds a bit creepy in itself, but add to that that I'm fairly familiar with the NFB's beliefs, and being a critical thinker, there are parts I agree with (and I definitely appreciate what the NFB does), I don't agree with all of it. I have felt at times that members and events of the organization aren't very welcoming to people with partial sight. And a friend of mine had a friend who had a horrible time at the Denver center because of it, which sad to say, doesn't terribly surprise me. I also got the feeling from the DVD and some of the literature that was sent with it that there are a lot of rules and a lot of emphasis on students looking super professional at all times. And that stuff just got all my individualistic, expressive and rebellious tendencies all riled up. I mean physically I was getting all tense. I could already imagine myself getting in all kinds of trouble. I don't even know what they'd make of me, a girl with purple hair and a visible tattoo (if I'm wearing short sleeves). And there were a string of other little things that all left me feeling pretty uneasy after watching the DVD. Little things.

Oh, plus, my astrocartography told me I would get fat if I went to Denver. For those who aren't astrology geeks, astrocartography is basically looking at maps based on your birth chart. It's pretty complicated with lines everywhere, and I don't know how to actually calculate it (even the thought seems daunting) but you can look it up for free at astro.com. I don't put real stock into it, but I did out of curiosity look it up for me in Denver, and while most aspects seem to relate to more esoteric intangible energies, my astrocartography for Denver literally did say I would gain weight and that if I didn't want to, I should move somewhere else, which made me laugh, like, seriously?? Too funny.

But what actually is a much bigger deal and dealbreaker for me than any of the above put together, is the uncertainty about the center. To be able to go, I have to go through a process with the local low-vision agency, to justify my need to go to the center and then get approval, and it was very uncertain how long that would take, and if by the time it did, the center would still have openings and I would have enough time to complete the program before classes start next fall. And there was no way in hell I was waiting past that time to start school (plus it would have messed with my admission/student status/and on and on if I took off any more than a year). The uncertainty was eating me alive, the not knowing when I would go, or if I would get to go and not really being able to make any plans in the meantime. I mean how could I get a job if I might be leaving soon for Denver? But then again it could be months. And it might not happen. Same thing with my apartment, I didn't know what to tell my manager, especially after having worked everything out with her (or so I thought) over the phone while I was in Portland, then I came home to find lots of not so nice letters from her on several topics, and one of them being she has a new tenant waiting for my place. I felt totally locked in limbo, unable to make any kind of concrete plans of any sort when this whole process was so up in the air and I had no idea if or when I'd get to go to the center. I felt trapped. And that feeling, especially after getting back to the island, was only adding to my mental craziness. All I wanted was a sense of security in knowing what was going on, and that felt so elusive.

After watching the DVD, I felt like the uncertainty and all that bs just really might not be worth it and started looking into school again. I crunched some numbers and realized I could do it if I took a more minimal amount of credits (basically my intro biology class, plus one other credit, and I'd still get financial aid and feel fairly comfortable with my money situation even if it takes me a bit to find a job. It could be doable. And there were still spots left in the bio class.

I started reading the class descriptions again, and professor reviews and anything I read just got me so pumped to be in class and be learning this stuff. I got animated and excited and so wanted to be there. I have felt that way any time I have done that sort of stuff. Months ago, before the financial aid curveball came up, I had my classes all planned out and scheduled and felt super excited for them, long before I could even sign up. And each time I've been on the school side of this debate, I have felt this way. I was reading reviews of classes with such longing in my heart. I really don't want to put off school another year is what it comes down to. And I am really, really attracted to the idea of starting part time this year, to ease back into the whole idea of school and studying and classes, and then going full time next year, and being able to take more advanced classes sooner. I'm almost afraid that if I do put it off, I'll lose my drive some, when it's so potent right now. It's hard to describe exactly, I just can't wait to be really immersed in everything, feeling like I am progressing towards something, learning, intellectually stimulated, and the desire is so strong that EVERY time I read anything like these class descriptions or prof reviews, I feel overwhelmed with wanting to be in class and learning. In my incessant indecision, I feel my heart has always been on the side of going back to school. That is what I really want to do.

So I did more research, and found out that my school, Portland State, a school that is known for their disabled student services being awesome (actually when I was touring campus last winter I saw a few people there with guide dogs and when I took the bus there last month I saw a blind guy, always good signs as I've been to schools where I feel like the only person w/a disability, so this was a marked improvement on that) offers lab assistants if needed for disabled students taking lab science classes. That is amazing! I feel like with that option, and with taking the intro class, I'll really be able to see if I'm going to struggle with science stuff b/c of my eyesight, and if I do maybe I'll reconsider the center, but I also came up with all kinds of other resources and possibilities, at the school, through the NFB (they have a science division, and a student division, and the woman who is president of the student division majored in biology and is totally blind), and more. So I feel better about things having done that research. And I'm a determined kind of girl so I'm sure I'll figure out a way to rock it.

So, all this is to say, I've come to my final answer, I'm going to school. I accepted my student loans, signed up for my bio class, did entrance counseling for my student loans (definitely made me think how different this is from last time I went to school, and how all the responsibility is on me in a whole new way that I welcome), and just landed a studio apartment near campus. I'll be leaving in a few days.

It definitely scares me. Moving scares me. Leaving Orcas scares me. Being in class again scares me. I want all of these things, but they also really freak me out. I haven't been in a college class in over seven years! Oh yeah and my textbook for this year for bio is 1300 pages! Talk about daunting! I have never really learned how to study. I was always one of those annoying people who did real well in school without studying at all, so I never had any discipline. And I'm sure I could still be that way, just go to class and pay attention and ace classes without opening a book, but, I don't want to half-ass it. Also, I am definitely out of practice at this point, and have no doubt gotten rusty. So yeah, going to school, studying, taking exams, having homework, trying to get into a more disciplined student mindset that I have really never had, really, really scares me. It's one of the reasons that the idea of easing back into school by going barely part time so appeals to me.

Scary as it is, it feels right, and I'm excited, and I really mean my decision this time. Sometimes you just gotta go with that.

I also want to say I am very thankful to have good friends to bounce ideas off of. I am super grateful to my friend Claire, aka Silver Lining, b/c she is a very grounded, balanced person who could offer an objective opinion. I talked ALL of these factors out with her and that was really the turning point. I get so lost in my head sometimes I lose perspective and have a hard tie sorting things out, especially when there are so many factors. She was so great to talk to and really helped me with the sorting out. And after that I felt so much more clear. And ever since I decided, friends have come out and told me they felt like all along, this is what was really the right decision, and what I truly wanted. It felt so affirming, b/c like I said, I get all jumbled up. And now that I've let the decision settle for a bit, I feel very sure. Now the thought of not starting school for another year is kind of unthinkable. But what felt the most affirming to me was when the person I work with from the local low-vision agency, the same person I would have worked with to make the Denver center happen, told me she really felt this was clearly the right decision for me. And for the first time in months, it really feels like everything is coming together (FINALLY). During Mercury retrograde no less! I better not totally count my chickens yet...

All right, gotta get back to packing.

Currently Listening:
Okay, I'm listening to a cover Tori Amos recently did of "Baby One More Time" yes, the Britney Spears song! Tori can really pull off some covers I tell you. This one is sort of hysterical, I have to say I never in a million years ever would have thought I'd be putting this song on my "currently listening, but when Tori sings it, it's hot and kinda sultry and almost ironic. She puts in some ad-lib too.


Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know
That something wasn't right here
Oh baby baby, I shouldn't have let you go
And now you're out of sight, yeah
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby cuz I need to know now, oh because

My loneliness is killin me (and I)
I must confess I still believe (still believe)
When Im not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time!

Oh baby baby the reason I breathe is you
Is you, yes it is you
Oh the reason I know is not a reason for living
But I'm living for you
The reason that I breathe, is for you
And boy you'e got me blinded
Oh pretty baby, there's nothin that I wouldn't do
Thats not the way I planned it

Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby cuz I need to know now, oh because

My loneliness is killin me (and I)
I must confess I still believe (still believe)
When Im not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby
You always do
Hit me baby one more time!

Like I said, hysterical! I still can't get over finding this, like, seriously??? Wow. Hahahaha. Oh I had another song competing for this spot on my blog but I may be too embarrassed to fess up to it. I will just say, it's all House's fault.

Moving Right Along

Tomorrow will mark two weeks after my return from India, and it feels like life is moving pretty quickly and changes are happening fast.

I made a decision about which college to go to pretty quickly after returning home, and I think in many ways, I had already made the decision, deep down, beforehand. I'm going to Portland State, which is the same school that my India program went through, and I'm pretty excited about it. I'm still a little sad that some of my top choice schools didn't work out, though I'm also seeing it in some ways as what Julia Cameron would call "Gain disguised as loss," because the more I move forward in this process, the more right PSU feels, so there's also a part of me that's glad some of the other schools didn't work out.

PSU is going to be a great place for me to explore all kinds of different academic interests, they offer so many classes and subjects it kind of boggles the mind. And that's good because I have an ongoing issue about being interested in too many things at once and wanting a really diverse schedule that feeds my left and right brain at the same time. Pouring over the class schedule for the last ten days or so made me feel like a kid at Christmas, like, oooh I could take this class, and that class, and oh boy! And PSU is known for having a lot of older students, so that's cool for me, being in classes and organizations and campus housing with people in my same age range. And they have a great disabilities department, and it seems like a lot of other students with disabilities, and a separate disabilities advocacy organization on campus, so it feels like there'll be lots of support. Oh yeah, and when I was visiting, I saw lots of hot boys on campus, that's always a plus.

I'm super excited about all of it. I've wanted to live in Portland for years. I remember the first time I went there, during spring break of my second year of college, and the first morning I was there, sitting in a cafe with my friend Kelly and a few other women, just soaking it up and feeling so strongly that I wanted to live there. That was over 8 years ago! And my good friend Elynn who used to live around the corner from me here on Orcas, who I miss terribly, is there. I've moved a fair number of times in my life, and I have to say it is comforting to know I'll have Kelly and Elynn as two really close friends in a new locale. I also have a few contacts to hopefully set up some tarot reading stuff down there, and also a few contacts to get involved in the literary world of Portland.

I applied for campus housing, which I was NOT going to do - I'm way too old to live in a dorm, and I wasn't crazy about it when I was the right age - but it turns out that PSU's on-campus housing includes a lot of buildings with studio apartments and the like. See, that's what I'm talking about, the benefits of having lots of older students around. So, the price was decent and location is great, and so I applied and put in my deposit, should be finding out which building I'm in fairly soon I hope. I'll be moving in mid-September, so trying to soak up the joys of having a one bedroom apartment with a back patio that overlooks woods for the rest of my time here. I will have to downsize for the move, and I'm sort of looking forward to that too. Already going through my apartment thinking what I want to keep or not. India was good preparation for that in a way, I mean, I lived out of a pack for three months, I stayed with a family of seven who lived in a house that was the size of my living room/kitchen (aka not very big), and these things make you think about what is or isn't necessary. It just helps in terms of shedding what's not needed.

So, for those on Orcas, I am sure there will be some sort of yard sale outside my place at some point this summer. Get ready.

This morning I registered for classes, and so now that that went through it feels really, truly official that I'm going there. I was so sure something would go wrong in terms of signing up, I just thought Murphy's Law would be in effect, but no, I got every class I wanted at every time I wanted, so I got my ideal schedule. It's still subject to change up until the beginning of the quarter, but for now it's set exactly as I wanted it. I planned it out over a week ago, taking a lot of time to examine different class choices, how they'd fit together, and how the profs rated at those sites to review professors. And that last one was a good thing, I was going to take a writing class with someone b/c she's an author I like (the particular subject was not so thrilling, kinda something I have already taken), but the reviews were pretty much across the board not that flattering, putting it tactfully, so I decided to go with something else.

I am just so psyched for my schedule though it is not going to be an easy courseload (which honestly is a big part of the reason I'm psyched, I've been craving intellectual stimulation). I'm taking two science classes - bio and chem - as I still haven't fully given up the idea of doing a double major in something sciency, and I have my basic Physics credits and then some done already (and none in the others), so that alone is going to be intense, and awesome b/c it's that part of my brain that has been more deprived these last few years. I'm of course taking some writing credits, in scriptwriting actually. I was going to do non-fiction and probably will at some point, but I was just a lot more excited about the scriptwriting class, and it's totally undiscovered territory so it'll be challenging and engaging. And the last class I'm taking may be surprising, I'm taking Arabic. I've always been interested in learning it (still want to go to egypt someday), and I've never taken any college level foreign language courses, and taking Hindi classes in India gave me a boost of confidence as far as studying a language that is more different from English than something like French, which I took in high school. Sooooo, those are my four main classes. It's not going to be an easy semester, but the truth is I wanted a difficult courseload, b/c I know myself and without that I will get bored and feel like I'm not being challenged and whenever school is too easy I start slacking off. So I feel like my schedule has the diversity in subject that I crave, and a difficulty level that will be just right.

Oh I'm also taking piano (for beginners) as a two-credit class in the mornings, which should add some extra fun and creativity to my days. I've been wanting to teach myself for so long, but I don't do all that well with it being completely unstructured, I just end up never doing it, so the class should be good to cure that.

So, all around, I'm excited to make the transition to go back to school. September can't come fast enough, though I am actually glad to have the time to make the transition over time.

In my last post I said I would not go back to my old job. That did not last. The reality is that even with financial aid, and with the fact that I'm feeling good financially right now (I only spent $250 the entire time I was in India, so it feels like I saved money), going to school and moving are expensive things and it just can't hurt to have the income. And I'll be here for four months, so I decided to go back, but only four days a week, and on morning shift, which means that I will have to leave my place at 5:15! That is going to be rough, but I'll be done at 2 and have the whole day ahead of me. Though I am not crazy about the job and though I hear things are not good over there, everyone is really happy to have me back, and I'm actually surprising even myself by feeling pretty positive about it. Camp is just so beautiful (on almost 300 acres of gorgeous woodsy forests, fields, waterfront) and I feel such a strong spiritual connection to the land there, that I'm looking forward to the long walk in the early morning. Okay I might regret saying that tomorrow when it's really fucking early, but I bet I'll get used to it fairly quickly. I'm also thinking some days instead of coming home right away, I'll wander around some of the less traveled paths in the backwoods of the camp and really love up my last summer here. So, we'll see how it goes when I'm actually there, but for now I'm thinking positive.

So, all in all, things feel like they're moving right along.


Currently Listening:
"Fidelity" - Regina Spektor - this may possibly be the song I listened to most in India, b/c it was on two people's iPod type things. I haven't listened to much of her other stuff, but this song is constantly stuck in my head. And yes, it's in an episode of Grey's (do I even need to say that anymore? I'm such an addict).

Fidelity

(Shake it up)

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

Breaks my
Heart
Breaks my heart

Orcas Island Writers Festival

The first annual Orcas Island Writers Festival ended a few days ago. It was awesome. I'm already looking forward to the next one.

I'm so glad I went, too. I almost didn't. I haven't really written much in awhile, and have felt like work takes over my life. But I had put in for the time off back in April or something, so I said what the hell and signed up. I thought if nothing else, at least I'd have a few days away. The festival was held at Moran State Park which is a good drive from my place, so I stayed overnight in one of the cabins during the festival.

The festival blew my expectations out of the water! The instructors were EXCELLENT! A lot of them teach at Vermont College of Fine Arts which has a low-residency MFA writing program. In the mornings, we had small workshop groups. I chose the non-fiction track, and so each morning, our small group gathered to very thoroughly discuss our work. Each of us had to submit a ten-page sample of our writing before the festival, so we spent considerable time each morning, working with a few people's work each day. It was great. I forgot how great it is, not only to get feedback on your own work, but to work as a group on others' stories. You learn so much. I felt so engaged, like my inner artist was engaged in a way it hasn't been in so long. I was exercising my writing muscles. It was great even to go over some of the basics of story arc and point of view. I didn't realize I was so hungry for this sort of thing. But oh was I ever! It fed my soul, and my soul has been a bit starving as of late.

So our group looked at my piece on the last workshop day. I submitted the first chapter of my book, which I've worked on extensively. I have to say (and I think I've said before), that for the last, well, year or so, I've felt kinda flat, numb, disinterested feelings about my manuscript. It doesn't really excite me anymore. So I thought, what the hell? I also picked the non-fiction track (as opposed to another workshop which was for memoir/fiction), partly because the instructor and some of the people in the group were male (in the mem/fiction group, it was all females). It may seem silly or even arbitrary, but almost all of the places where I've shared my work - other writing circles, friends, classes I've been in - have been all women. I feel like I have a pretty diverse sampling of female responses to this particular piece of work, and I wanted to see a more mixed-gender reaction. I'm glad I did. I left feeling more confident that my story could have a more universal appeal, which was good. I also got great feedback on what worked in my piece, what was effective.

And I got some great ideas for how to change it. I've actually been thinking recently of reshaping and re-visioning the whole project in a major, major way, and this workshop pretty much confirmed that for me. I felt like I got a real sense of where the real juice of the story is, what needs to come in and be included and what I can draw out and yeah, I would just sit there at different points during the weekend with all these thoughts, ideas and inspirations coursing through me.

I also got to rethink another book idea I had in mind. I realized the starting point was a totally different place, and really saw how perfectly that would work. It was like reframing the whole thing. And because of that, I had passages just swirling in me throughout the whole time.

I thought a lot about story structure. In our workshop group we talked about the typical pyramid of a story - the introduction, rising action, climax, denouement, ending. I kept thinking of The Kite Runner, because it's such a perfect book in that way, it has all those elements so clearly. And because I just love thinking about that book anyway. With my other favorite, The God of Small Things, it's so much more murky (and that story weaves in out of time, so if I think about, in chronological order the events of the book probably do follow that arc, but the telling doesn't, not really).

Then in one of the afternoon sessions (these were lectures and mini-classes), Karen Fisher, author of A Sudden Country, said she thinks of story structure in another way. She thinks of it as the story starting out in stability, you enter the world of the story, then there's a destabilizing event, either by ambition, wanting something, or by some sort of loss. Then follows a period of resistance - either a character is resisting something, or the world is resisting them. Then they face the inevitable, or the bottom, etc (analogous to the climax in the other structure system), and then a period of acceptance. Well this description of story structure also perfectly fit The Kite Runner. I just got such a clear picture of it, using that book as a tangible example. And from there could clearly extrapolate to a book I want to write. It just makes a lot of sense.

Another thing we talked about a lot in workshops and afternoon sessions was about reading like a writer, which is something I think I sort of do, but have never been taught to do, looking at good writing and really looking at it, getting into what makes it so good, what the author did to make it so effective. I think I do some of that just by nature of being a writer and reading a lot. I mean, my LENGTHY post on here about The Kite Runner isn't really a review, not really, it's more a writer's appreciation and noticings. I want to go back to the passages from that book that I quoted in my post (there were several), or to the passages I've makred in White Oleander. I want to re-read The God of Small Things again, even though I just reread it a few months ago when I was in Hawaii, because it's just so good. The writing is so fucking good it's unbelievable. And there are so many just mindblowing things about the story structure. Oh God, I'm getting all jazzed up just thinking about it I'm getting up, walking around, thinking about it. That book is SO FREAKIN' GOOD I can hardly stand it. Some of the most gorgeous prose ever. All these great little things that Arundhati Roy does with the writing. And the end, oh the end. Yes, I want to reread it, specifically to read it like a writer, really dig into it and analyze what makes it so good, learn from it.

I'm still DYING to post about that book. I especially want to discuss the end, the choices she made in writing it that way, in the name of the last chapter (which still, years after my first reading of the book, gives me full body shivers), and on what note she chooses to end it and all the implications. I lent it to a friend actually, who was leaving to work on a six month cruise and needed some reading material. I wish I hadn't. I love my friend Holly, and I'm glad someone else will read the book, but I realize I wish I hadn't parted with it. And it hasn't even been two months yet! So, someday, I will post about it. I just feel I couldn't really do it justice without the book here. Anyway I am anxious to dig into that book again and read it in a slightly different way.

I've gotten a bit off-track, as usual. I'm taking a screenwriting class starting in a week or two. I'm going to base it on a short story I wrote a bit ago, which was based on a dream I had about writing this story (now that I think about it, the dream might have also involved it being for a screenwriting class, I just put that together, weird). I'm a little nervous about the fact that my two main characters are on acid during part of the story, since I don't know how that'll fly in some of the writing circles of the island, but after one of the readings at the festival (each night a handful of authors/instructors read their work), I'm inspired to NEVER hold back. So that should be an interesting class. On an un-writing note, I'm also taking an anthropology class this fall, on comparative Islamic cultures. I'm really looking forward to that too. My mind is just craving something like that.

Currently Reading:
Dave Eggers' What is the What? - I'm only a few chapters in. It's very good, harrowing in many places, immediately draws me in.

Currently Listening:
"Fast Car" - Tracy Chapman - this is not a random iTunes pick like usual in this section. I am sort of obsessed with this song. In some other post, I totally want to write about this song the way I want to write about books. There are so many great lyrical things she does in this song. It's also heartbreaking.

Classes, Workshops and Groups

CLASSES

Took classes on Writing the Query Letter, Writing the Book Proposal and Advanced Memoir Writing through Writers Online Workshops.
2006-2007

Took memoir class taught by Janet Thomas, author of The Battle in Seattle and various articles, offered at Orcas Island Library through Skagit Valley College (not for credit) for five quarters.
2003-2005

Took JoEllen Moldoff's poetry class at Orcas Island Library.
2003

WORKSHOPS

Attended Pacific Northwest Writers Association Conference in Seattle and pitched it up.
2007

Attended The Sun magazine's weekend workshop on “The Power of Personal Stories” at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, CA.
2005

Attended weekend memoir workshop with Janet Thomas on Orcas Island.
2005

Attended weekend writing workshop on metaphor, symbolism and imagery with Susan Zwinger.
2003

GROUPS

Participated in weekly “Monday Writers” critique group on Orcas.
2004-present

Participated in monthly Writers' Roundtable at Orcas Library.
2003-present

A Mishmosh of Other Notes

So, after further investigating UW's English department, I realized they really don't offer the array of writing classes I want. I'd spend most of my time there taking literature classes, which isn't necessarily terrible, but I want to be writing, and not just analytical, critical essays. I have three semesters left if all my credits transfer, and I don't want to have to put writing on hold for that long while I get my degree. What irks me to no end is that UW offers these "extension" programs aimed at the working adult, and they have extension classes in everything I want to take - memoir, creative non-fiction (as in articles and essays), screenwriting, genre fiction, literary fiction. Such a delectable selection! But of course, when I asked the English department, I found out that in no way can any of the extension classes be taken for credit.

The school isn't out of the question. I mean, they are well-respected academically, and tuition might be doable because I'm a state resident and I could get help from the Services for the Blind (for those unfamiliar, these blind-people agencies are state-run and vary considerably from state to state). It's also in a city, which is something I want, and to boot, a city I know pretty well. So, like I said, not out of the question, but I am looking elsewhere. I decided I'm going to aim to transfer next fall, which'll give me almost a year to thoroughly investigate schools, apply, save up money, prepare to move.

And the search continues. I think one of the best things is that I pretty clearly know what I want. I want to be somewhere with an array of writing classes in different styles and genres. I want to be somewhere with internship possibilities in publishing or teaching. I want to be somewhere urban. For one thing, living on my little island is making me a bit stir-crazy, emphasis on the crazy, but more importantly, since I don't drive, I want available public transit. I'm also way too old to live in a dorm (hated it when I was the right age), so somewhere where I can realistically commute to school. So, I'm continuing to look, do college searches, read up, and so on.


In the meantime, there's a screenwriting class being offered on the island. It runs from the end of Sept through the end of March, with a scene reading in April. The class is based on adapting Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods for the screen. I've never done screenwriting before, but have contemplated it for awhile. It scares me because it's so visual, and I'm visually-impaired, but then again, when I get story and book ideas, I always sort of see them like movies anyway. I think it could be challenging and great. It'll definitely be somethign to add to my writing resume, put on college applications, etc. This class is also supposed to be very rigorous, so it should give me a taste of what I'll be getting into with school.


All in all, my goals for the coming six-eight months or so:
-Write a screenplay based on A Walk in the Woods
-Research schools, apply, figure out where I want to be next year at this time
-Save money (I have about a grand now, which is about the most I've ever had, and this time I don't owe any outstanding phone bills or anything else I'm aware of). Gotta build on that as much as humanly possible, especially considering I live in a remote place that gets dead in the winter, and already my work hours are declining. Must brainstorm. Note to self: Topic for another blog.
-Finish revising my book and send it out to agents. Linda and I have changed our target date from the 15th of this month to the 30th. We each want to finish the next draft of our manuscripts by then, then exchange, read each other's, comment, return, make any changes (with some time in between there to get some fresh perspective), and then send out. I have those leads from the PNWA conference to start with.

And while I'm being ambitious, let me just say that this weekend I plan to:
-Clean my house
-Do laundry
-Make a big dinner (I often make big meals over the weekend, so I can heat 'em up quickly during the coming week when I'm working)
-Write up a proposal with different ideas for columns I could write for local newspapers
-Do a friend's astrological birthchart

As for today, I have a counseling appointment, a reunion with an old writing group that no longer meets, and work.

I'd better get going. I have a big chocolate lab who is going to be very pissed if I don't walk her soon!

Currently listening:
"The Song is Over" - The Who (God, I love this song, and the whole album, Who's Next?)